JEAN CRYSTAL-STEPHENSEN'S PERSONAL STORY

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My Story - by Jean Crystal-Stephensen

April, 2012

My name is Jean Stephensen I was raised in the L.D.S. Religion in Brigham City Utah I grow up with 5 brothers and 2 sisters I am the third to the youngest in a humble home I was taught to truly be happy I was to follow the words of god and read the words of gods in the Scripture and get married in the temple and have a forever family now I know when I say Family it means everyone in the world on this planet ...:)

Music has always Spock to my heart and I remember sing" I love to see the temple" in primary and "there is a right way to live and be happy I always wanting to be a good girl and get marred there so I could have my family forever if I believed and live the right way.

when I got baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter day Saints I waited for this big thing to happen and it did not so I just kept on believing I was not good enough for god to bless me I must be a bad girl as time went on I would watch others family's and see if there were like mine I tended for same family s in the ward that look happy so I would thought they have the answer of truly being happy Church, God, family that's what I thought made them happy so I grow up believing in this and wanting a family that I could have for all time and all eternity I now know that families are about separation and inequality keeping you from the outside world a stumbling block to look beyond and help to see each other as EQUAL for when one is in kneed and is hungry, thirsty, homeless, naked, sick and afflicted, and those who have a hard time living up to the world's standards (those in prison) we are all in need of help. I look forward to the time when the WORLDWIDE UNITED FOUNDATION is in place....:) I got married in 1988 I was 17 years old to a return missionary Todd Baumann and yes in the temple me and my husband at the time were very busy in church callings We started our family as soon as we could Crystal, Shandel, Hannah, Lydia, Emily, Michael, Gabriel, I was still trying to find my happiness in the Church and in following their teaching and yet was so empty inside When my oldest daughter was born she quickly became my best friend they were my world my everything for 18 years I hid in them and their happiness was all that mattered to me I was still trying to find my happiness in the Church and in following their teaching and yet was so empty inside I tried to shelter my children from all the bad in the word and only give them happiness and joy and fun I wanted to give them what I could not have growing up and make their life better and yet now I know just how controlling I was in there life as their Mother when I wake up I could see I felt guilty, anger and sad at myself I now know I was just doing what I felt was right and playing my part in this game we call LIFE.

After all the kids were born and I felt I was not good enough to be there mother and was very depressed I wanted out of this life I found some help in new life skills and even become a life skill coach and it did help me to see past the church and to look at me and love me just as I am it was a new concept for me I believed I had to do and be good to be loved by god I also read lots of books on many things that opened my eyes to more possibilities in life I stop going to family functions and church on Sunday and the temple and wearing of the garment in 2004 it just did not fit me anymore it caused a great deal of pain for my husband at the time but I choose me over him and the kids I was not happy going to church and trying to be a perfect mom and wife and friend and sister and neighbor I found I was happy listening to me following me my heart my way.

We grow apart Todd and I and I did not want to hurt him any longer so I asked for a divorce three different times I tried to stay and just could not so the last time we filed it was done in 2 weeks and I moved out in Aug 2006. I love my kids and yet new that I could not take them with me on this next journey I had no job and no other place to take them so I left them with him I Left everything with him and took a car and my clothing and divorce papers with me I asked for nothing and about to 2 months later gave back the car for my oldest to have to go to work.

I was all by myself on this journey and yet know that god wanted this for our now I know it was me wanting out.

My oldest was 17 and my youngest was 3 and a half years old and yet I know I had to go or I would take my life one way or another I was going to leave them all this is what I felt was best he worked down the street from where we lived and I felt he did nothing to deserve me to take everything from him so I walked away from his life and the kids for a time it was the hardest thing I as a MORMON mother could ever do it was like cutting of my arms and legs and cutting out my heart I really felt like just ending it all without my kids who am I.

Now I know I can choose me and love me through all things ...I moved out went to my Mom and it did not work out so I moved to salt lake city with some friends I met at a friends of god conference in mount pleasant Utah I was with them for about 3 years yes it was another church yet it had more freedom in many new ways and I was looking for friends and Family because I just walked away from mine.

So again I tried to do all I could to be a good girl and have god love me and give all I have to him we tried to live the law of consecration I believed and obeyed out of the fear of not being love by god I also believed in men having more than one wife and women having more than one husband spiritually of cores I now know just how the leaders of the church I was in was using the word god to get money women and gain in their life in that time of being away from my kids I met a man his name was Richard he wanted me to choose him and leave all others in this church but I did not do it for him and not for any one I stayed until I felt it was time to go I struggled with doing what I was told to do by those in the church because I loved Richard very much I was told we would lose our souls to satin and I would lose my kids forever and I choose me again and the kids and his soul so he went his way and I went mine I know now just how believing in God more than you can stop your happiness.

Nov.2009 I left the church I was in for 3 years with some friends and stayed with them tell I felt it was time to come home to Utah to the kids. I contacted those I was told not to wile in the church Richard being one of them.

I stop believing in anything no God no satin no sin. Richard called me back on new year's eve and we got together shortly thereafter and have been living together that was January 2010 that's when my friend started telling me about MWAW and the web site to check out I was so burned out from anything that had to do with church god and thing that had to do with religion I kept on telling her no I am not reading another thing about god I don't believe anything anymore just me and how I feel in that moment and she said OK just check out the web site and I did I looked and looked and looked I did not want to read any more scripters I had just gotten rid of all my church stuff ( hence new bottle new wine) when I come to the book HUMAN REALITY it spoke to me there was times that I did not even understand what I was reading about and yet all I could do is cry for joy in my soul for it all made senses about just loving and treating others the way you want to be loved and treated could it be that simple I thought to myself I fished the HUMAN REALITY—Who We Are and Why We Exist! and read the Sacred, not Secret—The [Authorized and] Official Guide In Understanding the LDS Temple Endowment and also 666, The Mark of America—Seat of the Beast: The Apostle John's New Testament Revelation Unfolded. and yes I recieved The Sealed Portion—The Final Testament of Jesus Christ through Richard he asked for a copy when we went to visit my friends and yet he never touched it or to this day has read it I have read more than half and I will finish it someday. So now we choose not to talk about any of this MWAW he is on his own path and I am on mine own path and am learning so much love and tolerances from him about myself love and he is learning from me in his own way and his own time I hope someday to share this with him and yet its ok if I don't I am to love and that is all ...:) I started to read the books on line and they all said the same thing treat others the way you want to be treated in 2010 and in 2011 I just wanted to tell all my friends and loved ones about this MWAW and yet I know I cannot, this is not my place it is Christopher's, he is the messenger ... I love to listen to the MWAW talk show on Sunday nights it helps me to stay focused on loving me and following my happiness It is 2012 and I am reading The Authorized and Official Biography of the Mormon Prophet, Joseph Smith, Jr., Wow I now understand how I could do and believe the things I have in my life and get so messed up with different churches and religions and believing in the thing I have. I am so happy to be FREE from all Religion and God, I am looking forward to 2012 MWAW WORLDWIDE COMMENCEMENT EVENT on June 15th, 16th, and 17th at Liberty Park in Salt Lake City I Will be there enjoying being with friends thanks for taking the time to read my story I am open to talking if you choose or email

Thanks Jean Stephensen