Beginning my autobiography—The Man From Joe’s Bar and Grill. Writing for my grandchildren.

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INTRODUCTION

The words and contextual presentation of my autobiography will change over time as editors review my writing and adjust it properly.  But I want to make sure that the information I give about my life in my own words is clear, correct, and most importantly, the Real Truth.  To accomplish this, I intend to direct my thoughts towards my grandchildren.  I want to write about my life in a way that they can understand.

I have nine children who share my DNA, but none who has shared his or her life with me for the length of time that is needed for a child to develop a normal and strong parental/child bond.  None of my children respect what I do or who I have become.  None know me.  None has ever taken the time to sit down with me and sincerely ask,

“Dad, what are you doing?  What exactly is this Marvelous Work and Wonder® thing that you are responsible for?  Why are you doing it?  How did you start doing it?  When did you start doing it?  Where did you start doing it?”

Perhaps as children often do when their two parents are separated, they do not want to hurt the tender feelings of their mothers by getting to know me.  Perhaps they are afraid of me.  I would hope that the former reason for not knowing me is more likely than the latter.  I would feel much better about my children being kind and compassionate towards their dear mothers than ignorantly fearing someone who they do not know … someone from whom they received half of their physical makeup, which includes their brain.

Why my children would be afraid to meet with me and ask the above questions is a question that one must ask of each.  I do not know.  I can guess.  But in guessing, I would be implying that I know them well enough to guess correctly.  I do not know any of my children any more than they know me.  Likewise, I will have known few of my grandchildren, who they are, where they live, what they look like, and most importantly for me, what they have become as human beings.  Are they intelligent, kind, and compassionate, or are they ignorant?

I got to know a couple of my grandchildren at a time when I tried my hardest to be the type of father that their parents needed and wanted me to be.  I could have been the best father and grandfather in the world.  I could have always been … or at least fought their mothers so that I could have been … there for my children, supporting them as they struggled through life, providing them the security expected of a normal father, which would, in turn, have allowed me to become a normal grandfather to you.

But how can a man, who is far from normal, possibly find happiness in life upon Earth pretending to be someone who he is not?  But again, none of my children have ever sat down with me and asked,

“Dad, why are you abnormal?  Why can’t you just be a regular Joe like most other men?  What changed you into who you are?”

One might suppose that the answers to these questions would be important to my children.  I hope that my children are smart enough to understand that everything that we do, everything that we are, first starts in neurological processes of our physical brain.  My children might want to know because whatever made me who I am and allowed me to do what I do, might allow their brains to have the same potential because of the DNA we share.  If my children have the chance to become crazy, then so do you, my grandchildren.

Because it is highly unlikely that my children will find the courage to face me in person and ask these questions (for whatever reason), I am going to answer their questions in this autobiography.

As I indicated above, to do so …

… to make sure that the information I give about my life in my own words is clear, correct, and most important, the Real Truth, I intend on directing my thoughts towards my grandchildren.  I want to write about my life in a way that they can understand.

Dear Grandchildren,

How do you tell another person that you know all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist?

How do you tell another person that you know all the solutions to the world’s problems?

How do you tell another person that you, alone, out of all the other men in the world, were asked to help an anonymous group of people attempt to change the course of humanity and save the human race?

How do you tell another person that your given name reflects the idea that you bear the burden of a Christ?  But even more narcissistic (this means, thinking more about yourself than others), that you are the very last Christ, an anointed person that has the power to save the world?

My life didn’t start out with me knowing any of these things.  In fact, for the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t know anything more than a normal Mormon young man, who had spent his entire life in and around the Mormon culture, would know.

The first thing that I found out, was all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist.  The person in my life who was closest to me at the time that I found out these things was my wife, Grandma Jacqueline “Jackie” Stoll.

Well, first, you need to know that I was married to Grandma Paula Rae Blades before I was married to Grandma Jackie.  That’s where Mom/Aunt Brittany and Dad/Uncle Joshua came from … but I’ll get back to Grandma Paula and Brittany and Joshua later in my story.  I needed to mention Brittany and Joshua because they were the only children I had at the time of my discovery, an enlightenment which I like to call the “transfiguration” of my brain, that allowed me to know all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist.

If you look up the meaning of “transfiguration,” you’re going to find that it is defined as: (a) a change in form or appearance, a metamorphosis;  (b) an exalting, glorifying, or spiritual change.

Yes, it is true.  My brain was changed, so neither you nor your parents have anything to worry about.  You share some of the DNA of my normal brain before it was transfigured to become abnormal … what your grandmothers probably claim as “going insane.”

Think about it.

I come home from work on June 16, 1987, and announce to Grandma Jackie in front of three-year-old Brittany and one-year-old Joshua,

“Guess what, Honey?  I know everything there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist!  I know, crazy, huh?  But I know it all now!  It’s incredible!”

Can you imagine me telling the same thing to my parents, to my siblings, to my extended family and friends?  I know you can imagine how crazy that would sound.  I imagined it too.  So I didn’t tell Grandma Jackie what had happened a few hours before arriving home on that day.  But from that day on, Grandma Jackie’s, Brittany’s, and Joshua’s lives would never be the same … and once the rest of your parents were born, had they been allowed to stay a part of my life, their lives would have never been normal.

I hope all of you are living normal lives, hopefully, successful lives that bring you whatever it is that makes you happy.  Because if you are not living the life that YOU want, you will never be happy.

And it came to pass … (Grandpa likes to use this phrase to imply the passing of time between certain events.)

Although I didn’t tell anyone at that time what had happened at work during the early morning hours of June 16, 1987, I announced to Jackie that we were going to start living a new type of lifestyle, a different way of living than the way that we were living.

My transfiguration had given me a completely different outlook on the life that I had lived for the first 25 years of my life.  I could no longer find happiness living the same way that I had been raised and become accustomed to living.  I needed to change my lifestyle and live life My Way … my new way.

That’s all I announced to Grandma Jackie: that we were going to live differently.

If you know of Grandma Jackie, or even if you don’t know her because she isn’t your biological grandma, because you have a different mother than Jackie’s children (Brandon, Caleb, Sariah, and Ryan), she is a very special woman.

For whatever reason, and one must ask Jackie why, after my announcement, Jackie remained completely loyal and committed to our relationship and started living my new life.

Jackie had lived in the same area, basically the same house, all of her life.  Her family was also staunch LDS/Mormon.  For Jackie to agree to and support me in living a completely new lifestyle, speaks of Jackie’s incredible strength and womanhood.

I can honestly say that I have met few women throughout my life like Jackie.  Grandma Jackie was perfect for me and my new life.  I’ll write about how Jackie and I met and how she became my wife and Brittany’s and Joshua’s step-mother later.

For now, before I write about how my transfiguration affected others’ lives, including yours if you’re one of my grandchildren, I am going to explain, as clearly and correctly as I possibly can:

  • how I know all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist;
  • how I know all the solutions to the world’s problems;
  • how I, alone, out of all the other men in the world, was asked to help an anonymous group of people attempt to change the course of humanity and save the human race;
  • how my given name reflects the idea that I bear the burden of a Christ (Grandpa Christopher);
  • and how I became “crazy” (according to your grandmas and the world) enough to believe that I am the very last Christ, i.e., an anointed person who has the power to save the world.

Let’s start with how, on June 16, 1987, I came to know all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we exist.

CHAPTER ONE

WHO WE ARE AND WHY WE EXIST

As I mentioned in my Introduction, I was born and raised in the LDS/Mormon culture.  (Today Mormons don’t like to be called “Mormons.”  They like to be called “Latter-day Saints.)

Okay, I was born a Saint of the latter days.  I was taught that I was special because I belonged to God’s only true and living church.  I had the priesthood authority given to me to act in God’s name.  In fact, I was very proud of my family, especially of my personal priesthood line of authority.

I received the priesthood from my father, Michael James Nemelka, Sr.  My father had received the authority from his father, Joseph Nephi Nemelka, who had received it from Joseph Fielding Smith, who had received it from his father, Joseph F. Smith, who had received it from Brigham Young, who had received it from the Three Witnesses to the Book of Mormon, David Whitmer, Oliver Cowdery, and Martin Harris, who had received it from the resurrected Peter, James, and John, who had received it under the actual hands of Jesus, the Christ.

Yep, I was pretty darn proud of my priesthood heritage.  But I always wondered why Joseph Smith, Jr., the proclaimed founder of the Latter-day Saint movement, wasn’t mentioned in my unique priesthood authority line.  I would discover the answer later in life, as I would also discover the answer to all the questions that often plague a Latter-day Saint’s mind about their religion.

As a Saint living in the “latter days”—which basically means the final days before Christ’s Second Coming—I not only had access to the “power of God” through priesthood authority, but I also had access to God’s living prophets, seers, and revelators: the LDS General Authorities.  It was because of God’s chosen, living leaders, that I staked my claim as a member of God’s only true and living church upon Earth.

As a Saint, we are taught that the greatest part of being a member of the Church is to receive your temple endowment.  Everything that a Saint does, leads to receiving this temple endowment.  I’ll explain more about this “endowment” later on.  But I want you to know how special it was for me to personally receive my own endowment.

During the process of “receiving the endowment” in the sacred temple, I made certain covenants with God.  A “covenant” is a promise.  The very last covenant that a Saint makes in receiving their endowment is that:

“You and each of you covenant and promise before God, angels, and these witnesses at this altar, that you do accept the Law of Consecration, in that you do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion.  Each of you bow your head and say, ‘Yes.'”

Grandpa said “Yes,” and meant it!

The Lord had blessed me with a lot of things: athletic ability, above average looks, intelligence, learning abilities, and other worldly traits normally held by successful people in this world.  Because all of the LDS General Authorities were highly successful people in the world, I figured that this was the first step required by the Lord in order for me to keep the promise I had made to Him.

I joined the Army National Guard as a Russian interrogator, played on the Army National Guard’s basketball team, and enrolled at the University of Utah … all after returning from my LDS mission to Buenos Aires, Argentina.  I wanted to be a lawyer like others in my family.  School was very easy for me, but no matter how easy it seemed, the promise that I had made to God continually weighed heavily on my mind.

I made God a promise that I intended to keep.  I had promised to consecrate myself, my time, talents, and everything with which the Lord had blessed me, or with which he may bless me to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion.

I believed in God’s living authorities.  I believed that they ran the Church the way that God wanted it run.  I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure that they kept on living so that they could do what God wanted them to do.  I wanted to protect them.  I dropped out of college, stopped pursuing any worldly aspiration of success, and became a Security Officer for the Church.  When I was hired, I felt peaceful and assured that I was finally consecrating to God what I had promised.

During this time, Grandma Paula was following along behind me.  Before long, Grandma Paula decided that following me into religious fanaticism and zealousness was not something that made her happy.

I will write more about how we met and got married, and later about Grandma Paula receiving her own endowment in the temple before she married me.  But here I want to mention that I remember when Paula was reunited with me during the endowment ceremony.  She took my hand and buried her head in my arm.  She seemed very confused and a bit scared about what she had just experienced.

From her young, innocent point of view, Grandma Paula had just made covenants with God that would result in getting her throat cut, her heart cut out, and being disemboweled if she ever “revealed the signs and tokens” she had received during the endowment presentation.

It didn’t take Paula too long thereafter to realize that Sainthood was not for her.  As Grandpa became more religious and zealous towards keeping God’s commandments and the promise I had made, Grandma Paula followed her own heart and left me and the Church.  I will explain later what transpired in how Grandma Paula gave me custody of Brittany and Joshua.

But this I want to say about Grandma Paula’s courage and strength:

If she had been my wife on June 17, 1987, and I had returned home from work and told her that we were going to give away most of our belongings, dress like the Amish, live as poor migrant workers, and eventually live in a school bus painted with white house paint, she would have taken Brittany and Joshua back to her home in Montana and never let me see them again, regardless of what punishment she might receive from God.

Paula stood up to me and the only God she had known and believed in all of her life.  It didn’t take a transfiguration of Grandma Paula’s brain to figure out that the LDS/Mormon God was not right for her.  She figured it out by herself in her normal brain, something my normal brain could not do.  In a normal setting, Grandma Paula was much stronger and more intelligent than Grandpa.

And it came to pass, that after I had been employed as a Security Officer for a time, a guy named Mark Hoffman infamously (in a bad way, or for a bad reason) made himself known by deceiving the Lord’s servants, including God’s prophet and seer, killing a couple of people, and blowing himself up while I sat at the front security desk of the Genealogical Library located in Salt Lake City, Utah.  From where I was sitting, I could hear and feel the blast.  Our security radio frequency exploded with frantic directives from our leaders.

I returned home that day to Paula who was very pregnant with Joshua.  I excitedly explained how the Church had been attacked, we didn’t yet know by whom, but Lucifer was trying to stop God’s work.

This was probably not the best thing to tell this very young mother (Brittany was born on November 20, 1983) and mother-to-be who had given up her Senior year of High School to become my wife and embark on my fulfilling my covenant with God.  Couple this with the fact that her mother had convinced us to let a midwife deliver Joshua at home (who would come into this world in much pain on a kitchen floor).  Paula held on to the idea of our LDS eternal family for as long as she could.

Shortly after Joshua’s birth on January 20, 1986, Paula left me and took Brittany and Joshua back to Montana.  Not long after that, she gave up custody and had me come to Montana to take Brittany and Joshua back to Utah as their only legal custodial parent.  Of course, I attributed this to God blessing me for keeping my promise to Him.  (I’ll write more about Grandma Paula and Mom/Aunt Brittany and Dad/Uncle Joshua later.)

I met Grandma Jackie while I was working for the Church during the course of the investigation.  The legal authorities didn’t find out that it was Mark Hoffman who killed the people and was on his way to kill a General Authority until January 1986.  During that year (1986), leading up to Hoffman pleading guilty to a lesser charge of murder in January of 1987, I was intensely and curiously involved in every tidbit of security information I could find about what had actually happened.

In short, I found out that the General Authorities of the LDS/Mormon Church were not who I thought they were: true Apostles of Jesus Christ.  As a Security Officer, I saw them behind the scenes.  I saw that how they acted in public and private were often very different.  Nevertheless, I knew that I belonged to the only true and living church of God.  Men were fallible.  But the truth could not be … so I was convinced.

All of these events and my personal, intimate investigation into the behind-the-scenes actions of the LDS General Authorities, especially in the aftermath of the Hoffman bombings, led me to a special room on the upper floors of the Salt Lake City LDS Temple during my security rounds during the early morning hours of June 16, 1987.

I was working the 11 p.m. (on June 15th) to the 7 a.m. shift.  My job included roaming the Church grounds where I had been assigned for that shift.  As I entered this special room, I found myself in the room where the Twelve Apostles meet.  The room seemed round and beautifully adorned.  There were twelve elegant chairs placed around the room in a circle.  A table sat in the center of the circle on which the LDS scriptures were sitting.  There was about a 3′ x 4′ photo of each of the Twelve Apostles hanging on the walls, perfectly placed and centered behind each chair.

I stood in the middle of the room and looked around the room.  I choked up and began to cry as I looked at each of the Apostle’s pictures staring back at me.

“How can these worldly successful men be God’s true Apostles?” I cried out loud.

I fell to my knees and cried to the only God I thought existed,

“I need to know if these men are your servants and if this is your church!” I cried.

I heard a voice in my head.  It said, “Who else would you have me lead this church?”

I looked up at the Apostle’s pictures again.  As I looked at each, their worldly profession came to my mind, “Of course, a doctor, a lawyer, successful businessmen!  These are the leaders that the people want to lead them!”

Then, at the very end of this thought, I felt an immediate surge of energy flow through my body.  I can only explain it as the same type of feeling that one gets when one is watching something that makes the “hair on your back stand up.”  But this feeling was far from scary, it was incredible!  I had never felt a feeling like I did then, nor have I felt anything like it since.

My brain was transfigured.  From that very moment, my entire perception of life was completely different than what it had been the moment before.  I knew who I was and why I existed.  I knew that the only god that existed was me, and that everyone else was an equal god to me.  I knew the reality of human existence, that mortal life is a dream experience playing out in the mind of my highly advanced, eternal Self.

As I rose up from off the table upon which I was leaning, I smiled and let out a bit of a laugh as I walked out of the room.  On my way out of the temple, I remember putting the pieces of the puzzle of the temple endowment that Joseph Smith had given his followers together.   He told the Real Truth about human reality—who we are and why we exist—perfectly and clearly, although symbolically.

All of the endowment presentation is symbolic.  But taken as it is, it is profound!  The god, Michael, is put to sleep and begins dreaming that he is Adam.  Adam is put to sleep as Adam and dreams of creating Eve from his body and living in the Garden of Eden where they are tempted by Lucifer, who is their brother.

Listen to Grandpa,

The character representing Michael, a god, was put to sleep by the characters who played Elohim and Jehovah in order to begin the dream experience of becoming the mortal Adam.  Because of my transfiguration, I could remember things about past lives that I couldn’t remember with my normal brain.  I immediately recalled the final scene of the original endowment presentation that Joseph Smith showed for the first time in his Red Brick Store located in Nauvoo, Illinois.  The very last scene showed Elohim and Jehovah waking up Michael from the dream.

I laughed as I thought to myself, “If Brigham Young hadn’t removed that last scene, the Saints would be terribly confused about what had happened to Adam, Eve, and Lucifer when Michael woke up from the dream.”

I didn’t use a lot of profanity, hardly at all, with my normal brain.  But as I was walking through the tunnels that lead from the Salt Lake Temple to an outside door near the west gate of Temple Square, I exited the door and thought,

“These people don’t have a fucking clue what the real truth is!”

And I laughed harder.

Now, Grandkids, keep something in mind while you ponder what happened to me that day.  Something happened for sure.  You can know this because I can answer questions about human reality that no other man can answer.  I can tell you things about this earth, its beginnings, even about the dinosaurs and the creation of all the planets that no one has ever considered.  I couldn’t have answered these questions before my transfiguration.  But I can answer any question posed to me about human reality now.

Some say that I went crazy that day from some sort of a brain anomaly that resulted from a nervous breakdown.  Some say that my genius and intelligent mind made up all the answers, similar to how a savant’s or prodigy’s brain functions.

But I bet you can guess what Great Grandpa Nemelka and my family, friends, and peers think.  Yep.  They think that good ol’ Lucifer, the devil, had something to do with the change in my cognitive (thinking) function.  They think I was deceived and became possessed because I had somehow sinned in questioning God’s only true and living church.

This I can assure you, Grandkids, if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true and living church of God upon Earth, then yes, indeed, it was Lucifer himself who entered in me and has possessed me ever since.  With the power of the devil, I can cause men to shake and tremble in my presence … well, actually, they just get really angry because I make more sense than they do.  But anyways …

If the Church is true, then you might want to avoid your Grandfather Christopher at all costs.  He will deceive you and open up the gate to your own spirit for Lucifer to enter in your mind and convince you that your Grandpa is actually a pretty good dude … and very, very intelligent … someone who you might want to get to know.

The Real Truth that I know and have now shared with others has changed lives and taken many very staunch LDS/Mormon people away from the Church.  To them, I have opened their eyes and taught them all that they could possibly want to know.  To their LDS/Mormon families and friends, I have deceived them.  They call Grandpa the Anti-Christ, a Korihor (a character from the Book of Mormon).

But remember, Lucifer, the devil, knows all Real Truth.  Religious people will tell you that Lucifer will tell you 99% of the truth, but the one lie will cause you to go to hell.  That one lie, in my case, since I know all Real Truth, is that the LDS/Mormon Church is not actually what it claims to be.  In fact, the LDS/Mormon Church is one of the most corrupt and deceptive religions upon Earth.  It’s corrupt because it has access to the Real Truth about who we are and why we exist, yet it has corrupted the Real Truth and replaced it with truths that are not good for humanity.

For many years, I never told anyone what had happened to my brain that caused such a shift in my perception of reality and affected my lifestyle after June 16, 1987.  Curiously, no one has ever asked.  I didn’t start telling anyone until much later in life.

Remember when I mentioned that I also know all the solutions to the world’s problems?  Since you now know how I came to know all there is to know about human reality—who we are and why we existallow me to tell you the story about how I came to know how to solve all of the world’s problems.

As you read on, keep in mind that if it was Lucifer who possessed my soul on that fateful day in June of 1987, why would Lucifer want to solve the world’s problems?

Isn’t the devil the one that caused them?

But anyways …

CHAPTER TWO

Grandpa’s Magnum Opus

 

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