Chapter 12: My Real Mission

nightmare

When some people read the last chapter, especially about the part where I compare my brother Cory’s health and physical appearance to mine, their response might appropriately be a negative one:

“What an arrogant, stuck up ass!”

The world is simply not accustomed to facing the Real Truth when the Real Truth appears to put one person above another.  In this case, my physical looks above Cory’s.

If my statements were not the Real Truth, one need only smile, pat me on the head and say,

“Alright, Chrissy-poo.  Whatever you need to believe about yourself to make you feel good.”

But when it is the Real Truth, and we recognize it as such, it can be offensive, belligerent (hostile and aggressive), arrogant, and prideful.

But how, and most importantly why, is the Real Truth offensive, belligerent, arrogant, and prideful?  Why can’t we just accept the Real Truth about ourselves and be comfortable with it?

Some people are fat and unattractive.  A lot of people don’t have to be fat to be unattractive.  Most people in the world are not that attractive.  Without makeup, most women are not that attractive.  Naked, without clothes, most men are not that attractive.

So, Grandkids, how can the Real Truth be to blame for an uncomfortable reaction to the one pointing out that another person is less attractive than the one pointing it out?

Maybe it’s the “attraction” that is to blame.

When we were little children, did we make distinctions between ugliness and beauty?  We could recognize someone or something that is beautiful from someone that is ugly, but did we have a word and an emotion that we, as little children, applied to the difference?

No.

Although little children can naturally recognize beauty, they do not have any emotional uncomfortableness with the opposite: ugliness.  Children are taught the way that they should respond to the difference.

The uncomfortableness that we feel around ugliness is an unnatural, inculcated—there’s that word that is important for you to understand—emotion.  If women upon Earth never wore any type of makeup, none of us would ever know the difference.  But because they do, the Real Truth is, we are more comfortable around others, even our own loved ones, when they wear their makeup than we are when they don’t.

No one likes to admit the Real Truth about how we really feel towards each other.  None of us like a person who continually boasts of him or herself and is always pointing out his or her successes and good points (even by the way they wear their makeup and clothes) in an attempt to gain praise or put another down.

If you responded to what I wrote negatively because it was uncomfortable to you, you have proven the point I was making in the last chapter:

“I am not pointing this out to aggrandize myself or to make Cory look bad.  I’m using this as an example of what makes people hate others, or rather, feel uncomfortable in another’s presence.  People feel uncomfortable when they do not believe that they are as good as another.  When one feels less than another, one tends to find things about the other that supports one’s feelings that he or she is just as good.”

If your initial visceral* reaction was uncomfortable, your response had nothing to do with the fact that what I said was true (proven by your intellect, by empirical evidence).  The uncomfortableness of your response has to do with the deep inward feelings that rise up within all of us when we perceive ourselves or others being put down or compared negatively to another.

*Keep in mind what visceral means: relating to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect.

This natural response of uncomfortableness to comparative inequalities, because the response is not understood properly, causes people to become angry, to hate, to ridicule, persecute, and even to kill the one with whom they are not comfortable.

As Grandpa mentioned, those who are the angriest with me would also like to see me dead.  They are angry with me because they are uncomfortable in my presence.  They are uncomfortable in my presence because what I say makes a lot more sense than what they say.

I explained that their reaction is normal and justified and is actually a good reaction that is the result of how their advanced brain operates.  I wrote,

“In the next chapter, I will attempt to explain why this happens in our mortal minds—why we put others down to raise ourselves up—why it is a normal and acceptable thought process. … This self-protection is a normal reaction of our mortal brain reacting to inequality and self-loathing.  It is a feeling that arises involuntarily—one of those random thoughts that pop into our head.

“What I am trying to say here is that being mean to others is normal, justified, and is perfectly in line with the reality of who we are and why we exist.  Being mean is something that few of us can avoid.  “Being mean” is when we do something to or think something about another person whom we want to demean so that we feel good about ourselves.  If everyone was okay with who they are, no one would be mean.  There would be no reason to be mean.  Random mean thoughts would not pop into our head.”

The Real Truth is, the terrible way that we are treating each other during our conscious experience upon this Earth is perfectly justifiable and good … Yeah!  Good!

Wow, Grandpa!  That’s quite a bold statement!  How can this be?  How can all the meanness, the anger, the disparity, the hopelessness, and all of the other bad ways that humans treat each other be good?  It just doesn’t seem logical.  It doesn’t feel right that treating others bad is actually good.

Before I explain more about my personal life in the next chapter, using examples therefrom to give you real-life experiences as examples of what I am trying to help you understand, I will prove what I just wrote above … through empirical evidence.

When you dream, can you control what happens in your dreams?  Are you responsible for what happens, good or bad?  Do you fall asleep thinking, “Tonight I am going to dream good dreams.”  Upon thinking positively about having a good dream, it is very possible that you might have a nightmare instead.

It is impossible for you to control your dreams.  And while dreaming, your dream Self does not know it’s dreaming.  But your dream Self seems to have free will to act and react to what is happening during the dream.  You seem to be able to control what you do when you are dreaming, but you cannot control the environment and the situations that occur in your dream; nor can you control who is also present in the environment of your dream experience.

Have you ever done bad things when you dream that you wouldn’t normally do when awake?  Yes, you have.  And, good things can happen to you in your dreams when your life isn’t going so good.  Right?

The Real Truth is, none of us can control our dreams.  If none of us can control our dreams, then who or what does?

To answer this important question properly, go ahead and research and study everything there is to know about our dreams.

I’ve gone ahead and helped you a bit.  Here are the five most popular theories about why we dream:


Theory #1: Dreams Act As Therapy

Often your dreams force you to face an emotional circumstance that’s actually happening in your real life, and that allows you to deal with those emotions in a safe and protected environment (dreamland!).  When you face an emotional issue in a dream, your brain makes connections that it most likely would not otherwise make, and that may help you look at a situation in a different light or understand something new about yourself.  It may also help you get to the root of whatever may be causing you to feel anger, fear, or envy.

Theory #2: Dreams Let You Perfect Dealing With Threats

If you’ve ever woken up in a sweat from a dream that felt so real, you’re not alone. Scenarios that involve being chased or fighting are common—and with good reason.  As it turns out, your amygdala (otherwise known as your “fight-or-flight” reflex) fires at a more rapid pace during REM sleep (the stage of sleep where most dreams occur) than it does during waking hours.  And it fires in a way that replicates what would happen if your life were threatened.  So humans might use their dreams as a way of practicing fight-or-flight responses—even while their limbs remain still.

Theory #3: Dreams Allow You to Practice a Skill

Whether you’re stressing about a review at work, a piano recital, or simply a conversation that you don’t want to have, your dreams give you an opportunity to practice for major life events that require extra concentration.

Theory #4: Dreams Let You Get Creative

Ever hear athletes credit their dreams for doing certain moves or hear musicians credit their dreams for writing particular songs?  Sometimes dreams can help you think in imaginative ways.  Writing down your dreams may help you think of a brand new idea.

Theory #5: Dreams Declutter Your Brain

Dreaming allows your brain to reshuffle everything that it’s remembered, keep the important connections that it has made, and get rid of the useless ones.  In other words, it’s during dreams that your brain may reevaluate what’s important and what’s not, and take out the garbage, per se.


But the Real Truth is (through empirical evidence … as Grandpa has explained it to you): none of us can consciously control our dreams with our free will to act and be acted upon.  It is impossible.

Our brains control our dreams.  Our memories are part of our brain and contribute to our dreams.

When Grandpa was growing up, past being a little child and more so during my early adolescence, I had night terrors when I would wake up, scream and run throughout the house in a dream state (sleepwalking).  My dad attributed these things to watching bad things on television, except, at that time, we hardly watched television.  My night terrors came from not only my current experience, but from past life experiences.  Some of these previous incarnates (past life experiences) I will be sharing throughout this autobiography when each is relevant to whom I have become: a messenger of Real Truth.

I remember one day when I was rummaging through the cupboards I found a bottle of Witch Hazel.  I was a kid.  I didn’t know what Witch Hazel was.  (Look it up if you’re curious.)  Soon thereafter, I had a profound dream that my step-mother was not actually Gloria, but an evil witch who had killed her, buried her body in our vegetable garden and taken on the form of Gloria.  Yeah, really!

Now, from what I have explained about my relationship with Gloria since she first came into my life as a young four-year-old, the reason for this dream should make complete sense.  Perhaps this particular dream was a form of therapy or helped me perfect a threat that I always felt from Gloria being uncomfortable with me.

Whatever the reason, I was not responsible for the dream.  But my brain was.

I have told you, Grandkids, that when you die you’re going to realize that the REAL YOU is not the person who is alive and conscious upon this earth.  I used the example that the REAL me existed long before the mortal Christopher connected to the body created by my dad and mom.  While I was growing up, check how much I looked like my mother about the same age:

VPCLy1KcDi Heath-Chris' mom

My physical body, which includes my brain, came from the shared DNA of two other mortal people.  This mortal body looks like my parents and in no way is a representation of my True Self.  My REAL SELF looks nothing like Christopher Nemelka … never has … but might someday (more on how and why I might look like Christopher as I teach you more about the Real Truth of who we are and why we exist … but not now).

I have already explained that I have had 23 other incarnates during this last and final dispensation of human time destined for this earth.  I did not look the same in any of my other incarnates.  (For those of you reading this that already know about some of my past incarnates … Christopher is more attractive and much sexier than Inpendius was, by far … But anyways.)

My Real Self is not Christopher.  My Real Self is not Inpendius.  My Real Self is not any of the people who I might have had a conscious mortal experience as upon this earth in the past.

But this I know for sure,

Christopher is the last mortal avatar that I will connect to while having a mortal experience … at least on this earth with the group of other advanced humans belonging to this solar system to which I assigned myself once my True Self created a new advanced Self.

Yeah, this is all still kind of confusing, huh?

It’s very hard to imagine that who you are is an aging, imperfect, probably not too attractive without the right makeup or clothes, mortal as a dream character involuntarily acting and being acted upon by your True Self’s brain.

Yep, it’s the Real Truth!  Who you are as a mortal is not who you really are.  And the Real You is not responsible for who you are as a mortal anymore than you are responsible for who your dream Self is.

If you are not responsible for who you are in your dreams, then you are not responsible for what you do while dreaming.  This is an empirical fact that the mortal you has seen, heard, touched, smelled and tasted!

Until you die, I cannot empirically prove that your mortal Self is not who you truly are.  You’ll have this empirical evidence the moment that you become conscious again as the person you were before you connected to a mortal body that your mortal parents created through sex.

But I can prove, and have proved, that what your brain creates as dreams, you are not responsible for in any way or for any part.

So,

If your mortal experience is a dream experience of your True Self, and when you die you know this is the Real Truth, why would your True Self feel bad in the least, if while you were mortal you treated another dream character badly?

The Real Truth is, this nightmare of a world in which we experience so many bad things is a nightmare for a reason.  Our True Self’s brain is creating a nightmare because it has to in order to maintain its proper balance.  The bad things that we do to each other while mortal are not conscious responses of our True Self, but natural responses to the nightmare of mortal life … a life that is not supposed to be the way that it is.

If you looked closely, you might have noticed where I got the picture of myself above.  Yep, from mugshots.com.  It was the first time I was arrested.  Why was I arrested?

When I reveal these details later as they occurred chronologically, you will find that I was arrested because my daughter, Rachael’s mother was uncomfortable with me.  To keep me away from Rachael, she accused me of having the potential to sexually molest our daughter.  I wasn’t arrested for this accusation, but for physically pushing her mother away from me when Grandma Vicky got close in my face and angrily told me that she didn’t want me to see Rachael because “I don’t trust you!”  I knew what she was implying because of her past allegations, so I angrily pushed her away and she fell down to the ground.  She called the police and had me arrested.  Yeah, really!

Long story short (more details later), Grandma Vicky wanted to have sex with me and I didn’t want to have sex with her.  She got mad and kept me from seeing our daughter.  As long as I was having sex with her and treating her with respect and equality, compared to how she perceived I was dealing with Grandma Jackie and Grandma Marcee, she was fine and allowed me to see Rachael when I wanted.  But when I stopped having sex with her, and she perceived that I was still having sex with Jackie and Marcee, she responded angrily because she was hurt.  In her mind, I was devaluing her and not respecting her as much as I was others.

Vicky was justified in accusing me of having the potential of sexually molesting our daughter.  She was justified in getting in my face and reiterating the accusation and keeping me away from Rachael.  All the other women in my past, whom I devalued and disrespected by not treating them as they wanted me to treat them, were justified in doing whatever they had to do in order to get me arrested, keep me in jail, and keep me away from your parents.  They were only doing what was right for them at the time.  Their mortal actions were a direct result of the nightmare that we were living at the time.

But was I justified for pushing Vicky to the ground?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I knew the Real Truth at this time.  This took place a few years after June of 1987.  But at that time, I was rebelling against my True Self and the reason for which Christopher was able to know and recognize the Real Truth.  If I had been true to whom I was and what I knew of the Real Truth, I wouldn’t have been involved in Vicky’s life anyway … or would I?

The Real Truth is, yes, I would have been involved in Vicky’s life.  I got involved in her life as a result of my mortal Self knowing the Real Truth and seeing her involved in a state of unhappiness and abject inequality associated with how women are treated in the Mormon Fundamentalist (polygamy) culture.  Although my intellect should have told me better, my visceral reaction to Vicky’s situation could not be helped.   (More on this as we get to this experience later in this autobiography.)

There’s a huge difference between me and Vicky, between me and all the women whom I victimized by my presence in the past.  There’s a huge difference between me and Cory, between me and my dad, between me and Gloria, between me and everyone else with whom I have associated, am associating, and will associate.  I know the Real Truth and they do not.

I hold nothing against them and would smile, hug, and treat each of them as if nothing had ever happened between us.  I don’t need to forgive them because I know that their actions towards me were good and justified.  I have this attitude because I know the Real Truth and they do not.

I know exactly why they were mean to me.  I know why it is easy for me to be nice to them when they are mean to me.

My mission … the purpose of what I do and why I do it … is to try to help make people nice again and forgive everyone of everything … yes, everything … so that we can change this mortal experience back into the experience that it was meant to be for us.  This cannot happen unless everyone on Earth knows the Real Truth about who we are and why we exist.

Our mortal life is a normal reaction occurring in our advanced brain.  The bad ways that we treat each other are involuntary negative reactions because mortal life is not going the way that things are supposed to be going.

We are not supposed to be having nightmares.  We are not supposed to be dreaming because we need therapy or to help us to perfect dealing with threats to our self-worth and value.  (Consider theories #1 and #2 above.)

(Now consider theories #3, #4, and #5 above.)

We are supposed to be experiencing the dream of mortal life to allow us to practice a new skill and provide us with the opportunity to enhance a skill we choose to do, which in turn gives us “an opportunity to practice for major life events [as an advanced human] that require extra concentration.”  Being new advanced humans with an entirely new universe of possibilities at our personal disposal, we are supposed to be dreaming mortal life as a way of becoming creative and creating a new experience that will enhance our personal desires.

We live various mortal incarnates as a way to “reshuffle everything that [our advanced brain] remember[s], keep the important connections that it has made, and get rid of the useless ones.  In other words, it’s during dreams that your brain may reevaluate what’s important and what’s not, and take out the garbage, per se.”

It was not meant for us to be competitive.  It was not meant for some of us to be beautiful and others of us to be ugly.  It was not meant for us to need makeup and clothes to mask what we perceive as imperfections about our Self, or to have the perception of being imperfect.  The Real Truth is, there weren’t supposed to be any imperfections in the mortal experience.

Inpendius was not supposed to be put in a den of hungry lions by the Roman government and court system in order to be torn apart and devoured alive because of what he tried to teach people in his day … an experience that would later lead to another one of his incarnates where he would experience night terrors as an adolescent.  Yeah. Really!

There wasn’t supposed to be sex while going through the mortal experience.  There weren’t supposed to be different races of people, where one race provides ugly people compared to other races of more beautiful people.  There was never supposed to be a time when humans of African descent had large noses and lips, tightly curled hair and other attributes that would cause their descendants to want to change their appearance and straighten their hair.

There was never supposed to be a time when the majority of the people upon Earth, who are from Asian-Mongolian descent, are small of stature, have slanting eyes so that they would long to change their eye shape in order to make them more round and beautiful.

There was never supposed to be any race other than the equal human race.  People of different races treat each other mean and with hate because they feel other races do not see them as equal.

From 1975 to 1979, the poor, disenfranchised, and the uneducated started killing the talented, the beautiful, the intellectuals, the rich, and the few whom the Khmer Rouge (as they were known) perceived (thought) were all that and a bag of potato chips.  Yep, the exact same natural responses to the mortal experience that were occurring in the advanced brains of all the mortal avatars that took part in the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge, were the exact same natural responses that caused Vicky to get me arrested, my father to try to get me arrested; that caused Cory and Gloria to feel uncomfortable around me; that even caused some boys in High School to want to beat me up.

We are all equal, advanced humans.  The purpose of mortal life is to allow us an experience where our advanced brains can dream … dreams that are supposed to support our equality and enhance our ability to create a new experience for our advanced Self.

The killing fields of Cambodia would not have occurred if mortal life was the experience that our advanced Selves intended for the dream.  Instead, it has become a justified nightmare.

When we dream, our dream Self is not allowed or able to know that it is actually a dreaming person.  We do not know this about our dream Self while dreaming, but only after waking up.

Mortal life was never meant to allow a person to know the Real Truth about who we are and why we exist.  The mortal experience was supposed to play out like life does for little children, who have not yet been inculcated to see race, color, beauty, and ugliness; who do not know the difference between poverty and wealth; who do not know why another little child might bite them and take their toy.  But when the other little child does do something bad, little children have not yet been inculcated to distinguish the act as either good or bad.  It’s just an act that is quickly forgotten and forgiven by little children, who simply adjust their actions so that they don’t get bitten again.

Because mortal life has become the nightmare that it is, someone had to wake up in the nightmare, realize that it is a nightmare, and attempt to convince the others with whom the person is dreaming that this is a nightmare, and that the dream sequence of events can actually change into a good dream.

The person who was forced to awaken while dreaming …

Was good Ol’ Grandpa.

It has never been easy for me to convince others that they are dreamers participating in a nightmare.

It is not easy to convince people that there should be no poverty or inequality because of race, color, or creed.

It is not easy to convince people that all the animals were created by humans for humans; and that the animals that can kill humans were created by ancient people similar to the Khmer Rouge, who wanted to show those who had created other gentler species of animals to serve humans by keeping plants in check (and who bragged about it) that they were just as smart and creative.

It’s very hard to convince my fellow dreamers that sex and gender were never supposed to be a part of the mortal experience.

Yeah, I can tell them how it all started … how the nightmare began … but they won’t listen.

It’s too hard to accept that who they are as a mortal person is actually a character in someone else’s nightmare.

When you go to the store and buy an article of clothing that was created by another less successful person, who is forced by necessity to sit all day long and sew the same stitches, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, the clothes you buy might make your otherwise imperfect body look more attractive and perfect, but your purchase adds to another’s nightmare.  Is there any wonder that their natural response to you is anger, frustration, and hopelessness?

But the hardest thing of all in trying to convince people that I know the Real Truth about who we are and why we exist, is to convince them to give up their religious beliefs –  all religious belief of every kind.  Religion adds to the nightmare.

It’s hard for people to give up religion because it also creates an escape back to the idea and feeling that God loves us and is aware of us; that there is a God who is just and helps us through this nightmare.  It’s hard to convince them that this God is actually their individual True Self.

You’ll talk to people who believe in God as the source of everything.  No one has ever seen, smelled, heard, tasted, or touched God.  Anyone who says that they have is not telling the Real Truth.  Why?  Because it cannot be proven by empirical evidence.  Although they might claim to have seen God, if YOU have not seen God, if YOU have not smelled God, if YOU have not tasted God, if YOU have not touched God, then YOU cannot accept it as Real Truth.

Just think about this for a minute …

People look up to, honor, glorify, and worship people who claim to have seen God and heard God’s voice from on high.  People pay money to people who claim to have seen and heard God.  Most people are honest and do not make the claim that they have seen or heard God.  But when they come across someone who claims to have seen and heard God, and they have not, they are willing to believe another person because that’s the way that their mortal brain has been conditioned to accept and understand things.

From the time we are born, we are taught that we don’t know anything because we are just kids and that our parents know things because they’re older than us and have more experience.  We trust our parents and look to them for guidance in a world into which we became conscious and with which we are not familiar.  So, if our parents tell us that God exists and hears and answers prayers in this world, why wouldn’t we believe them?  As a little child, we never saw or heard God and had no other empirical evidence that God existed.  The only empirical evidence we had was our parents, whom we were conditioned to trust, to honor, and obey.

When I was Senior Class President, I hated it.  I was popular at West High, but as I explained, there were some who didn’t like me much.  When my friend and I were coming home from the dance at which Barry Bright confronted me and wanted to fight, I asked Dave, “Why does he want to fight me?”

Dave never did give me a straight answer.  I think he had heard some things through the typical High School grapevine of gossip, but because he was my friend, he always supported me.  What he did say was, “He’s jealous of you.”

That same night, when I arrived home from the dance, my dad and Gloria had already gone to bed.  I went into the house and up to their room, crying.  I told my dad that I did not want to go to West High any longer, that I wanted to move to another school.  Because I was crying, something I seldom did, especially at that age and being a sound athlete, my dad showed some compassion to me as he responded with kindness and sincerity:

“Go ask your Heavenly Father.  He will help you.”

I went downstairs and cried to God about being popular, about how much I hated being Senior Class President, and about how I wanted to quit school.  I didn’t hear anything, I didn’t see anything, I didn’t smell, touch, or taste anything, but I felt something.  I felt relief … and God didn’t even charge me $85 per hour for the session.  You can pay $85 an hour to have a trained therapist listen to you complain, and you feel a lot better after each session.

Prayer is the greatest therapy session you could ever have, and it doesn’t cost you anything.  Or does it?  It depends upon who you think is listening to your prayer.

Random thoughts come into our head, seemingly out of nowhere.  “Where did that thought come from?” we wonder.  We know that we weren’t thinking about that which the random thought is about, so where did it come from then?

There was only one way that I could possibly have knowledge about the very thing that I was destined to convince others was the principal cause of all the inequality that was causing the nightmare of mortal life: religion.

Here’s that quote again from Einstein:

“The only source of knowledge is experience.”

After returning from my mission, I would continue to have the experiences that I needed in order to be able to fulfill my true mission in a mortal life—the same mission I had been involved in 23 other times during this last and final dispensation of time …

During this nightmare we call mortal life.

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