Chapter 15: God, Family, and Country (continued)

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FAMILY

Grandkids, I know that family is a relationship that the people of this mortal world value and hold dear, one that is considered the most important thing, but you gotta think a bit about this for a minute.  The world is FUBAR (a military term for Fucked Up Beyond Any Repair).

Or better, the world is completely upside down.

Most of the people living in this world are miserable, very poor, and subjected to the will of very few.  You might be one of the very few who have convinced yourself that things aren’t that bad in this world, probably because you can honestly say that you have a good family and have everything that you need in life.

But I want you to consider the actual percentages.

Consider that there are 8 billion people living upon Earth.  Just 1% of the world’s population would be 80 million people.

So go ahead,

Travel throughout the world, interview everyone you can and see if you can honestly find 80 million people that are having a good life.  Honestly.  Impossible.  You’ll never find 80 million honest people who will tell you that they love their life.  The empirical evidence of this is the widespread use of drugs and alcohol, and the value the people of the world place on the people and things that entertain them.  Drugs and alcohol suppress the emotions of the miserable, while movies, games, sports, and such, distract their minds from the emotional misery associated with day-to-day living.

If the world is FUBAR, isn’t it reasonable to assume that it’s this way because of the things that are the most important to people who have fucked it up?

To unfuck it and turn it right-side up, wouldn’t it seem logical to apply the adjective bad to everything that the world thinks is good, and good to everything that the world thinks is bad?

I like how my mentors put it in scripture prose (written language in simple form) for their targeted religious readers of today’s world:

“But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.

“Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.

“For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.”  (BOM, Moroni 7:13-16)

I grew up believing that the “Spirit of Christ,” which is also called the “Holy Ghost,” is a gift from God, and that a person cannot have this gift from God unless a person does what God wants the person to do.

WTF?

How can it be a gift when there are conditions placed on receiving it?  Would it not then be the Reward of the Holy Ghost, instead of the Gift of the Holy Ghost?

And what about the Book of Mormon passage above that says it “is given to every man, that he may know good from evil”?  (We gotta assume this refers to women, too.)

Okay, let’s consider the above as the ultimate word of God for a moment.

If everyone has it, that means you don’t have to be Christian to have it, and there are no conditions placed upon receiving it.  It invites a person to do good.  This means that it gives you the choice of whether or not you want to accept the invitation.

These wise authors made sure that no FUBAR religious leader was going to be able to change the meaning of it into something different than what the authors intended for it.  So, they specifically, clearly associated it with Christ … that would be the Jesus Christ of the New Testament of the Bible.  In context, They would leave no impression of any other meaning:

“But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him.

“And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged.

“Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.  (ibid verses 17-19)

Now, some would say that Grandpa is an Anti-Christ because I teach that Jesus Christ wasn’t a real person.  Some would say that I am leading people away from Christ.  These “some” would be very wrong.  I am leading people towards the real Christ, towards the real meaning of the “Spirit of Christ,” used by the authors of the Book of Mormon.

From the above scripture quotes, it is clear that in order to do good, a person must “search diligently in the light of Christ” so that the person “may know good from evil.”

The passage doesn’t say “search diligently in the light” of your religious leaders, or your guru, or your spiritual conduit to God … namaste the fuck away from me ye thus deceived by these spiritual idiots … it says “in the light of Christ.”

So, let’s “search diligently” and see what Jesus had to say about the family unit.

“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”  (Matthew 10:34-37)

What the fuck did Jesus just say?!

On one occasion, Jesus’ ‘family unit’ came to see him while he was preaching.  They just wanted to say hello.  Here’s how Jesus responded to his family:

“While [Jesus] yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.

Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.

But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?

And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!

For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.”  (Matthew 12:46-50)

Yeah, Grandkids, Jesus was not much of a family man.  Jesus did not believe in the family unit.  How could he believe in the mortal family unit when his dad was fucking God?! … not that his dad was having intercourse with God (fucking), but WAS GOD … you know what Grandpa’s favorite adjective is for expressing emphasis, huh?

Somehow, God fucked the virgin, Mary, and made Jesus because that’s the only way that mortal people are created.  Am I right or wrong?

So, if God fucked a virgin so that He could have a mortal child.

Yeah!

But anyways …

To unfuck this world, the way that people view the family unit must change …

COMPLETELY.

The people of the world must learn again to view each person as their equal, and value each person as they do their own family members.  If the world does not learn to do this, the human race will be destroyed … not from within, like humanity has been decimated (a large percentage removed but not completely destroyed) during the last five different dispensations of human time (we’ll discuss more about this later), but from a young savant boy re-creating the sun while experimenting with fusion in his basement.

You know what, Grandkids?

The world already thinks ol’ Grandpa is a crazy fuck, so why not tell the Real Truth about how Grandpa knows about this twelve-year-old boy living in the future.  Grandpa knows about this twelve-year-old boy from the future in a similar way that he knows about a fourteen-year-old boy from the past who tried to turn the world right side up.

This fourteen-year-old American teenage boy NEVER believed, throughout his short 39 years of being a mortal, that God fucked a virgin, had an orgasm, and created Jesus.  This crazy-ass ‘God fucked a virgin’ doctrine was taught to, and accepted by, people who saw this young American teenager as God’s prophet.

Yeah, but … Joseph Smith NEVER taught that shit!  The sexual pervert that the people chose to follow after Joseph was killed, taught that shit!  Brigham Fucked-up Young.

(I’ll get back to why Grandpa knows about the twelve-year-old boy in the future that is going to recreate the sun and blow this FUBAR planet and the solar system in which it exists back into the “matter unorganized” [dark matter of space] that it was in the beginning.)

This young American teenager knew exactly who the real Christ was the very moment that his brain was transfigured on April 6, 1820.  This was the same thing that happened to Grandpa’s brain on June 16, 1987, when Grandpa first knew who the real Christ was.

Now, the LDS/Mormons are going to tell you that Grandpa’s brain was affected by the devil, but that Joseph Smith’s brain was affected by the actual appearance of God, the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, in what the LDS/Mormons call the First Vision.

Everyone else in the world is going to believe that both Grandpa and Joseph were either deceived by the devil, went fucking crazy, or that we are both geniuses.

(I’ll take the genius.  You’d like that too, because that would mean that 1/4 of your brain is genius … Hell, cheeeeeeeeeessssss!)

I wish to the God who fucked the virgin, who created the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, while the Holy Ghost came upon her, that all the information that Grandpa shares with the world was from my own genius mind.  I’d take credit for it!  Hell, chesssssssssss!

If only … Sigh … But anyways …

What did Joseph Smith know about the family unit?

Wouldn’t another member of Joseph’s own family know more about their own family than an outsider would?  Wouldn’t they know better than Brigham Young, the man who was made the prophet of the Mormon people after Joseph was murdered … the man who actually did fuck a bunch of virgins and had his own Holy Ghost cum upon them?

After my own transfiguration, I began to have feelings and memories of many things that were not familiar to my life as Christopher Nemelka.  For a time, the memories all seemed to run together in sort of a kaleidoscope of experience.  It wasn’t until much later that the rich colors of my past lives began to come into focus.

Yes, it’s true, in one of my past lives my True Self connected to the second male conceived in the womb of Lucy Mack Smith.  I was born into this world on February 9, 1800, as Hyrum Smith.

And no, this was no immaculate conception.  Joseph Sr. fucked Lucy to create that body just like all the bodies of people living upon Earth were created by the end of the First Dispensation of Human Time, or better, after the “fall of mankind.

Who I was in the past isn’t as important as who I have become during this present life.  But without those memories, I would not have the personal experiences required to have the knowledge necessary to know what Joseph Smith’s life was away from the public’s eye.

There is so much about Mormon history that is unknown and unreported.  Shortly before he died, 24 years almost to the day that Joseph experienced his own transfiguration as a young teenager, Joseph Smith would tell his followers,

“You don’t know me; you never knew my heart.  No man knows my history.  I cannot tell it: I shall never undertake it. I don’t blame any one for not believing my history. If I had not experienced what I have, I could not have believed it myself.”  (History of the Church 6:317 [7 April 1844].)

 If Joseph’s own followers didn’t know him, then who did?  His brother, Hyrum, did.

And more than his brother knew him, Emma Hale Smith knew her husband.

Emma Smith knew things about Joseph that no one else knew.  How did she know these things?  Pillow talk (intimate conversation in bed).

In our exploration of the family unit, let’s consider what both Mormon and non-Mormon scholars and historians agree upon.  They agree that after Joseph and Hyrum were murdered, some people followed Brigham Young, and some didn’t.  Emma Smith didn’t.  Emma couldn’t stand Brigham Young, and with good reason.

The LDS/Mormon Church was in chaos after Joseph was murdered.  A few of the higher leaders of the Church were jockeying for power and to take over Joseph’s position as the prophet of God and President of the Church.

Brigham Young’s perception of the ‘family unit’ and what Emma Smith knew of it from her pillow talk with her husband couldn’t have been more diametrically opposed.

Brigham Young’s church would introduce new concepts and directives about polygamy.

Emma knew her husband’s real view on polygamy.  When she supported a reorganization of the Church after Joseph’s death, which included a succession line of authority through her own son, Joseph Smith, III, polygamy and the eternal family unit would not become a part of the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (now known as the Community of Christ Church).

WTF?

If polygamy and the ‘Eternal Family Unit’ were so important to God, you would think that Emma and the others, who were much closer to Joseph Smith than Brigham Young ever was, would have somehow incorporated these important doctrines into their newly reorganized Church.  Right?

But even more confusing, if the Book of Mormon contains a “fullness of the everlasting Gospel of Jesus Christ,” as tens of thousands of modern Mormon missionaries teach throughout the world, then why doesn’t it mention polygamy and the ‘Eternal Family Unit’?

Oh, it does mention polygamy alright, but not like Brigham Young wanted it to be.

The Book of Mormon calls polygamy one of the “grossest crimes” against God.  Yeah!  Really!  (See BOM, Jacob 2:22-28.)

Let’s get to the fucking facts about polygamy and Joseph Smith’s true view of the family unit so that Grandpa can get back to his own history.

There is NO DNA evidence found anywhere in this world that shows that Joseph Smith had sex with any other women that resulted in children other than his wife, Emma.  But there’s a preponderance of evidence … fucking overwhelming … that Brigham Young had sex with all kinds of women.

Critics might say that Joseph used birth control.  There were no condoms and birth control back then, you idiots!  Joseph Smith was as fertile as fuck, evidenced by the 11 kids that Emma had, six that died.

Joseph Smith didn’t receive any revelation from God unless it was convenient and necessary.

The infamous Section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants stopped the Mormon men from taking whatever women they wanted in polygamy, again, in fucking violation of the Book of Mormon, but which also gave them a tiny justification:

“Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.

Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.

For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.”  (BOM, Jacob 2:27-30)

These early fucked-up Mormon men felt the “Spirit” enter into them and fill their cocks with blood every time they’d see a well-endowed woman … or a little virgin who had not yet had the Holy Spirit cum inside of them.  God was speaking to these horny men.  They were receiving the “will of God” to “raise up seed” every damn time their cocks would get hard.

Think about this honestly, men.

You know damn well that when you see an attractive woman, young or old, something stirs inside of you.  Yeah, that’s your fucked-up sperm swimming around, stirring up hormones that make you feel something special for the woman.  And since Brigham Young taught you that God, Himself, got an erection when God fucked his own, young virgin daughter, those physical arousals that you get around women and girls must be from the Holy Ghost.

You perverted fucks!

When Luke 1:35 explains about the angel speaking to the virgin, Mary, “The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee,” the angel said, “come,” not “cum” … YE FUCKS!

Needless to say here, Mormon polygamists hate your grandpa … vehemently!

But so do all other LDS/Mormons, because Grandpa can prove to them with empirical evidence that Joseph Smith did not believe in polygamy nor in the Eternal Family Unit.

It was during their pillow talk that Joseph told Emma he would ask the Lord for a revelation that would stop the lusting.

Emma was the Relief Society President.  She was well familiar with all the Mormon women’s complaints about the lustful priesthood-holding men who were receiving all kinds of personal revelation from God telling them to take more wives.  The 132 Section revelation told the men that there was only one man who had God’s authorization and authority to make a man’s dick hard: their prophet, Joseph Smith.

But after Joseph was out of the way, Brigham Young and his cohorts took charge and started fucking any woman that would let them.

Long story short … (if you want the LONG story, albeit groomed for an LDS/Mormon audience, read, Without Disclosing My True Identity—The Authorized and Official Biography of the Mormon Prophet, Joseph Smith, Jr.) …

Hyrum’s love of his life was his wife Jerusha.  He never loved anyone like he did Jerusha.  When she died, Jerusha left Hyrum with six children.  Joseph interceded and “received a revelation” that Hyrum should marry Mary Fielding Smith to help him care for his children.  Yep, to help him care for his children, not that Hyrum was in love with Mary, but to help him care for his children … Grandpa did the exact same thing (“received a revelation from God” with Grandma Jackie when he needed someone to care for his children after Grandma Paula left him and gave him custody of Brittany and Joshua.  More on this later.)

Hyrum adored Jerusha but married Mary Fielding to help him take care of his kids.  Then, he was “commanded by God” to marry Mary’s sister, Mercy and, oh my, was it ever for mercy.  Few women were less attractive than poor homely Mercy.  Then he married another woman, Catherine Phillips, who was so well-endowed that after the death of her own husband, a lot of Mormon priesthood holders’ dicks were feeling the Spirit, which became competitive and disruptive to their priesthood duties, so God (Joseph) protected Catherine by making her Hyrum’s wife.

Brigham Young also lost the love of his life, Miriam Angeline Works, who died shortly after Brigham was baptized into Mormonism.  Young had a couple of kids and needed help, so Joseph intervened with Brigham as he had for Hyrum.  Joseph ONLY justified this because he felt sorry for Hyrum and Brigham losing the love of their lives.  Had Hyrum not lost Jerusha and Brigham not lost Miriam, neither man would have been allowed to take another wife.  But in Brigham’s case, he got a married woman pregnant through adultery, and to save face, Joseph allowed him to marry the woman in polygamy.

You see, Grandkids, Joseph spent a lot of time cleaning up the cum of horny priesthood holders back then.

Joseph controlled the lust of his priesthood holders with an ironclad revelation from God: Section 132.  He was the only one who could authorize it.

Now, think about what happened after Joseph and Hyrum were murdered.

Brigham Young went to Emma to tell her that he was going to take over the Church.   Emma kicked him out of her house.  Her son was to succeed her husband.

Dejected, Young went to Mary Fielding’s house.

Mary Fielding had a couple of her own kids from Hyrum, Joseph Fielding and Martha.  While he was alive, Hyrum loved Jerusha’s kids, Lovina, Mary, John, Hyrum, Jerusha, and Sarah … because they were the fucking love of his life’s kids … not that he loved Joseph F. and Martha any less, but Mary didn’t think so.

Brigham Young came and offered Mary a popular seat in his new church along with a promise that her son, not Jerusha’s, would succeed him as prophet and president.  Mary jumped at the chance to finally find the value in the Church that she thought she deserved.  Not even a fucking week after Hyrum was murdered, Young introduced Heber C. Kimball to Mary Fielding as the man who would fuck her from then on, and ensure that her beloved son gave her the value she wanted.  None of Hyrum’s children from Jerusha would be given any power position in Brigham Young’s church.

Heber C. Kimball fucked Mary Fielding not even a month after Hyrum was murdered.  So much for the devoted love that Mary Fielding had for Hyrum.  Right?

Once Joseph’s power and mantle to receive revelation from God were stolen by Young, he was now the only one who could authorize new wives.  That fuck took more than 50 wives after Joseph’s was out of his way … and Brigham Young’s Holy Spirit came into every one.

Yeah!  Really!

But anyways …

Alicia and Fany Olexen met me at the Buenos Aires airport and said goodbye to me with tears in their eyes.  Alicia and Fany are two of the most incredible women I had ever known.  I thought, at the time, that I would come back for Alicia.  I couldn’t have asked for a better woman to become my wife.

But as the plane took off from the runway, something told me that I would not be coming back again.  I cried.  No, I wept.  Alicia and her mother were that special to me, as were the Argentinian people whom I had come to love.

As the plane gained altitude, my mind drifted back to how I first met the Olexen family.

The area, Paso Del Rey, Argentina, had not been open for some time to missionary work.  My Senior Companion, Eric “El Rojo” Johnson, and I were driven to the area by our Zone Leaders and dropped off along the side of the road.  Yeah!  Really!  All we had was our suitcases and the Spirit of God.

Nearby we saw four men standing around.  We approached them and asked them if they knew of a place nearby that we could rent.

Two of the men didn’t look Argentinian.  They looked Peruvian.  The other two fit the look of the Argentinian people, a mix of European and Spanish heritage.  One had dark hair and darker eyes, and the other had greenish eyes with lighter hair.  These two stood about 5′ 8″ tall while their Peruvian companeros stood closer to 5 feet.  The Argentinians, as I assumed they were at the time, and the Peruvians, were more than helpful.  They directed us to a small pension nearby.

These men smiled at us and looked at Elder Johnson and me as if we were movie stars.  It happened a lot as Norteamericanos.  What I didn’t know then, was that Elder Johnson wasn’t the “star” these four men were gushing over … I was.  I would one day become their star.  I had no idea that these men would one day be my mentors.

We thanked the men for their help, and found the small room that we would call home for a few months.

Elder Johnson was cool, and a great companion.  But I knew something about him that I don’t think I was supposed to know.  I had been with an Argentinian companion before I was with him.  I was called to the office of President Joseph Bishop, whom I mentioned before, and asked if I would be willing to help Elder Johnson by being strong, and a dedicated missionary.  I’m sure I looked confused when I said, “Sure.”

President Bishop went on to explain that Elder Johnson had a personal weakness that Bishop was sure I could help him with.  President Bishop didn’t come out and say it exactly, but I later figured out what he was referring to … and NO, I could not help Elder Johnson with his problem, no matter how much President Bishop was beating around the bush.  I wasn’t about to help Elder Johnson beat around any bush … if you know what I mean.

Like a lot of missionaries, Elder Johnson’s body had a hard time dealing with the hormones that were responsible for Brigham Young and his cohort’s lust for women.  Elder Johnson took matters into his own hands and subdued those hormones himself, so that he didn’t have the “Brigham Spirit” so strongly.  Nope. Couldn’t help him with that.

I didn’t have that problem.  My “Holy Spirit” seemed to check itself just fine.  After Elder Johnson got to go home, I suppose “the Lord” realized that I was successful at helping Elder Johnson, so he gave me another Elder with the same problem, Kyle D. Williams.  The fact is, Bishop had no right to tell me about these personal issues, by implication or not.  As I mentioned, Joseph Bishop had more of the “Brigham Spirit” than most Church leaders.  He was accused of sexual assault and battery in 1984, while serving as the President of the Missionary Training Center.

I had my own problems with the “Brigham Spirit,” but I never took the matter into my own hands.  I would only take the matter to the hands of a woman, but not on my mission.  Alicia and I only kissed, nothing else.

Upon returning home from our mission, each missionary was given a card with a message from our prophet.  The message told us that our new mission was to find an eternal companion.

“Hell cheeeeeeeeeeeeesssss!” said my hormones.

My favorite prophet was Spencer W. Kimball.  He was MY prophet.  He signed my missionary call.   I thought that President Kimball had received revelation when he prayed to the Lord, specifically about me.  I believed that the Lord told my prophet that I was to be sent to the Buenos Aires North Mission.  Yep, the Lord told Spencer Kimball correctly … and also, apparently, sent the Three Nephites and John the Beloved to make sure I fulfilled my mission … Yep.  Really!

I returned home from my mission to the same house I had left on Garnett Street, Rose Park, Utah.  My brother, Mike, was getting married to a girl he had dated when we lived in Kalispell, Montana, Teena Blades.  Teena had a few sisters, cousins, and other women who attended the wedding festivities.

Paula Rae Blades, Teena’s sister, was barely 17 years old when we first became acquainted at my brother’s and her sister’s wedding.  Paula was very pretty, somewhat shy, but outgoing.  We flirted a bit, but my brother Joe told me that he had kissed Paula, and we had always abided by the “brother code” of not dating each other’s girlfriends.  At the time, I didn’t feel anything more for Paula than recognizing that she was cute.  I still had some feelings for Alicia, and didn’t know where that was going.

I’m sure Grandma Paula has her own version of how we met and decided to get married, but mine is simple:

Paula didn’t get along with her mother, and she wanted out of the house.  I was her escape.  Paula pursued me first.  Why a young, 17-year-old, beautiful High School cheerleader would want me … Well, one would have to ask Paula.  The courtship happened so fast, I think it surprised both of us.  And it especially surprised our families.

While I was at work, Paula’s brother, Jay Dee, confronted me and pleaded with me to not marry his sister.  I was surprised that he would come all the way to my work and make the plea.  Jay Dee is a very kind and quiet person, one who hardly seems that he enjoys confrontation.  My response to him was, “Tell Paula.”

Nothing her family said would change Paula’s mind.

My father had only three words of advice, “She’s too young.”

Yep, I was marrying my own mother, a very young girl who hadn’t finished High School, just like my dad did.  Neither my own mother, nor Paula, was ready to be a mother.  They are wonderful women, but not the motherly type.  Alicia Olexen would have been the perfect mother … no question about it.

“God” didn’t want me to have the perfect woman.  “God” wanted me to gain the experiences needed so that one day I would know, from experience, just how bad the Eternal Family Unit was to our humanity.  Alicia would have followed me wherever and in whatever I wanted.  Alicia would have been the perfect wife and mother.  Paula couldn’t have been more incompatible with me and the lifestyle of a dedicated LDS/Mormon.

Before the wedding of my brother, Mike, to her sister, Teena, was barely over, Paula and I were planning our own temple marriage, to be sealed together for Time and all Eternity as a Family Unit.

My “Brigham Spirit” was hard to control around Paula and we took matters in each other’s hands at times.  We both felt that as long as we didn’t have the “Spirit cum inside of her,” we’d be okay with God.  But the night before we were sealed forever in the Salt Lake LDS Temple, “Brigham Young’s Spirit” was too powerful for me, and for the first time in my life, I entered into the holiness of a woman… if you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, I went to the Bishop and confessed and was forgiven.

At first, I was a typical LDS/Mormon trying to do things the way that the Church wanted us to.  I worked and Paula stayed home.  A beautiful, young, inexperienced, High School cheerleader was kept home, in a prison, so that I could do God’s will.  Yep.  Alicia would have been just fine with it.  But Paula … bless her heart, she tried with all of her soul to become a Molly Mormon … she really did … but it wasn’t in her.

I enrolled in college at the University of Utah, thinking that I was going to become an attorney.  I was doing it the way that it was supposed to be done, marriage, job, and schooling for an even better job.  I was a typical LDS/Mormon priesthood holder who was doing things right.

Everything began to change for me on November 20, 1983, the day Brittany Nicole was born.

Nothing was more powerful and emotionally overwhelming than holding my first child immediately after she was born.  She was handed to me so that I could bathe her.  She was precious.  She was from my body.  She was part of my eternal family unit.

It was the birth of my first child that set the stage for me becoming a religious fanatic.  If obeying God’s leaders on Earth and staying loyal to God’s church meant that I could have that little girl in my life forever, I would do whatever it would take.  According to the world, and the Church, this meant that I had to serve my country too.

GOD and COUNTRY

I didn’t just want to be a grunt in the Army.  I was better than that, so I boasted of myself.  I wanted to be in Military Intelligence, possibly an officer some day.  In order to join the United States Army 300th Military Intelligence Brigade (Linguist), I had to prequalify by taking a language test.

I was placed in a room with cubicles.  Another wanna-be soldier was in the room taking the same test.  When I entered in and sat in my cubicle, I didn’t take notice of him and he didn’t look to take notice of me.  We were handed the test and told that we would have a time limit and then to leave the test on the desk when we were done.  I took the test and finished before the other guy did.  I laid my test down and left the room.  Interestingly enough, I never saw the other guy leave the room.  I didn’t think anything of it then.

After sitting there for awhile awaiting the test results, the examiner came into the room somewhat perplexed.  I had scored one of the highest scores ever recorded for that particular test.  He said he wanted to go over my test again to make sure there wasn’t a mistake.  He did.  No mistake.

I was able to choose whatever language I wanted, and was welcomed as a new member of the Army 300th Military Intelligence Brigade.  I chose the Russian language.  Why?  Because I knew that the Lord had not yet opened up the Soviet Union to the gospel, and I wanted to be ready to serve the people of Russia by teaching them the gospel, when called.  That’s why I chose Russian.

My involvement in the military was extraordinary, unorthodox, and weird, all at the same time.  And, although my critics and enemies can try to discredit my account of what happened, they can, if they so choose, do the research as to what happened next.

What I am going to report is exactly how it happened.

I was assigned to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri … better Misery … it was hotter than hell.  I was appointed a Platoon Leader.   I was a Platoon Leader that could not lead how the Army expected a leader to lead.  I could not yell at my guys.  I did all the work and let them have as many smoke breaks as they wanted.  I finally went to my Drill Sergeants and asked to be relieved of being a Platoon Leader.  I just couldn’t be that mean to people.

If you go through basic training as a Platoon Leader, the Army automatically gives you an extra rank.  I started out as an E-1.  I would have been an E-2 upon basic training graduation.  I believe I may have been the first soldier in history who voluntarily gave up rank, money, and prestige by resigning as a leader because I was too nice … yeah, too nice.

The hardest tasks at basic training are the 12-mile rucksack march and the gas chamber where you have to be exposed to CS (tear) gas.  I didn’t have to do either one.  The drill sergeants assigned me to other duties while our battalion was doing these tasks.  I don’t know why.  You’ll have to ask them.  Everyone has to do these tasks.  Those who miss the tasks due to kitchen or some other duty are required to make them up.  I never did.

I was shipped from Fort Leonard Wood to Fort Huachuca in Arizona for my training as an interrogator, before I could go to the Defense Language Institute in beautiful, Monterey, California.  I arrived at Fort Huachuca and my orders were immediately changed to California.  The commanding officer at Fort Huachuca had no clue why.  Everyone was supposed to go through their chosen training (AIT) first, before going on to more specialized and advanced training.  Not me.  I spent a couple days at Huachuca and was allowed to go home to Utah to get ready for DLI.

When you’re going through basic training, you’re not supposed to be allowed to take your wife and children with you.  I was allowed to, even though I hadn’t completed all of basic training.  I was so happy to have my new eternal family, Paula and my precious Brittany, with me.

Paula and I moved to Salinas, California.  We couldn’t afford rent, so we lived wherever we could.  We lived with a family with seven kids, in a big house for a few months.  Then, we moved in with another soldier, Gary Yarn, and his wife, with whom we shared a split-level two bedroom apartment.  I met Gary while I was playing basketball for our Army Company’s team.

Gary was also an LDS/Mormon, so we hit it off pretty well.  I was the team’s star player, but Gary could shoot the shit out of the ball.  When other teams would double team me, I would dish off to Gary in the corner and, more often than not, he would score.  Gary was a bit chubby, but one of the funniest guys I had ever met.  He and his wife (I believe his wife’s name was Rae), were wonderful people, and easy to live with.

Then something happened that upset me quite a bit and would change my life … forever … yep, forever.  I don’t remember how we got into it, but I wanted to punch Gary in the face while we were playing basketball.  I can’t remember why I felt that way, I just knew I wanted to.  I pushed him down hard, to both of our amazement, that I would do any such thing.  We made up in the locker room, but I was never the same after.

I wanted to punch my best friend, a wonderful man who wouldn’t hurt a flea.

How could I think this?  Where did that come from?

I had no idea, as it was far from my normal Self, whom, I was thinking, I didn’t even know at the time.

I went inside myself and began to wonder where that burst of anger had come from.  It had to have come from the devil.  That’s where bad things come from.  Right?  For whatever reason, I fasted and began a self-introspection that I had never done and have never done since.

The incident with Gary happened on a Friday and I fasted that weekend, remaining isolated and to myself, even as little Brittany fought for my attention at home.  That little girl meant the world to me, but Paula and I were beginning to have problems with our marriage.

That Monday, I excused myself during class and went to the bathroom.  I was looking at myself in the mirror, still in the self-introspect mode, when a man entered the bathroom.  He was about 5′ 8″ tall, darker hair with darker eyes and a well-kept beard.  He appeared to be about the same age as I was.  He spoke.

“Christopher.”

Who the fuck was this guy? (Well, I wasn’t using profanity much at the time, but I had the thought.)  How did he know my name?  I didn’t think I had ever met him before in my life … at least at that time.

He then continued,

“The most important thing that you can do for you and your family is to stay close to your Heavenly Father and His church.  Do all you can to be faithful and fulfill your priesthood responsibilities.  Treat your wife with kindness and patience as you embark on your journey for the rest of your life.”

He smiled at me and walked out of the bathroom.

WTF had just happened?

I stood there for a minute, then went to the door to try to stop him and ask him who he was.  He was nowhere to be found.

Now, like all the other Mormons, I had heard stories about angels appearing as people to do God’s will.  I had even heard the stories about the Three Nephites meeting with people and then disappearing after giving them instructions.  This guy didn’t disappear, he walked out the door.  There was no glow, no magic, no overwhelming sense of spirituality in his presence.  He was just a dude who somehow knew my name.

My mind and imagination went all over the place.

I started my journey to becoming a religious fanatic.

I quit the Company’s basketball team.  That was competing.  I reflected back on what had happened on the football field before my mission when I lost all my competitive spirit.  To me, competing was not Christ-like at all.  At a Company muster, the Captain called me out and asked me why I had quit, basically mocking me for my decision in front of the rest of the Company.

“Do you think you’re too good for us?” he mocked.

I didn’t think I was too good.  I thought I had to become the best LDS/Mormon that I could possibly become.

I submerged myself into the Church with all my heart, might, mind, and soul.  Instead of paying attention in class, I would hide church writings and scriptures and read them instead.  I was called out by one of the Staff Sergeants and told I had to pay attention and stop bringing religious materials to class.  I didn’t listen.  From that time on, I only listened to God.  Shortly thereafter, I met Jeff Thomas, who had approached me after class one day and said that he understood why I wanted to become more righteous.  Jeff replaced Gary as my best friend.

At that time, I cared only about two things: pleasing God and playing with Brittany.  Paula’s and my relationship began to be strained rapidly.  I talked with my Company Commander about the stress Paula was going through, and then another unprecedented thing happened:

The Army agreed to let me test out of the remainder of the school and go back to Utah.

Paula and I moved back to Utah.  I went back to work at Paramount Acceptance as a collector.  Somehow, I was convinced to play for the Army national basketball team from Utah and excelled, even with my new perspective on life.  Our Commanders called a muster, where they were handing out special recognitions and awards.  My name was called to come forward.  I had no idea why.  I hadn’t accomplished any Army requirement or received any special degree.  I was given a special commendation for basketball.

No one clapped.

I was very embarrassed, but took my award and rejoined the ranks.

Shortly thereafter, I complained again about the stress being in the military was having on me and my family.  The Army gave me an early honorable release.  And that was the end of my military career, and wow, what a weird career it was.

Weird?  Do you want to know what weird is?

Remember Grandpa writing about the other wannabe soldier that was in the same testing room that I was when I took the language test?  After I finished the test and left the room, he took my test off the desk and replaced it with the one he had taken … the one that scored high.

And it gets even weirder …

The same guy who replaced my test with his, so that I was sure to pass and get into Military Intelligence, was the same guy who met me in the bathroom that day in Monterey.

And yep, as weird as it might seem,

He was one of the four Argentinian men who met Elder Johnson and me on that street in Paso Del Rey.

I would finally come to know him for who he was and what he was doing in my life.

I was not yet the “star” that he and the others needed me to be.

But, I was well on my way to becoming one.

I would come to know him exactly how I came to know that 14-year-old American teenager I mentioned above.

I would come to know him exactly how I know who that future 12-year-old boy is who is going to end this solar system by recreating the sun.

I would come to know him and call him “T” for the rest of my life.

T knew that 14-year-old American teenager very well.

T knows me very well, better than any other person on Earth.

T knows who the 12-year-old boy will be, and will do everything that he can to ensure that the boy has the knowledge and the ability to fulfill his role in ending this solar system …

Just like T ensured that the same boy’s True Self fulfilled another important mission in one of the boy’s other past lives, as …

Your Grandpa.

 

 

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