Chapter 24: Worldly Success

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After I quit Church Security and we moved to Grandview, Missouri, I had Jackie sew homemade clothes and dress the kids as the Amish and Mennonite people.  I wanted my family to be a migrant family, traveling wherever, whenever, doing whatever job I could find.  I wanted to raise the kids in poverty … the exact opposite of what the world wanted.

In Grandview, I found two part-time jobs.

I had no problem with working for minimum wage, and there were lots of job offerings anywhere we lived for a guy like Grandpa who could have been whatever he wanted to be in life.  I got a part-time day job with a company called, Patco Products (n.k.a. Caravan Ingredients) cleaning bathrooms, raking leaves, sweeping floors, doing anything the company asked me to do … for $4 per hr.  The company was unionized and didn’t have any current openings.

To get more hours, I took a graveyard job at the Belton Inn in a town close to Grandview: Belton, Missouri.  It was a shady motel where men would often bring prostitutes for a cheap room.  I was the night auditor, so I saw all kinds of people looking for a cheap room.  I didn’t have a problem with any person I saw staying at the motel.  My new enlightenment had completely changed how I judged others.  I no longer judged.  I did my thing and was perfectly okay with everyone else doing theirs … no matter what their thing happened to be.  The motel manager paid me $4 an hour.  So, I had two part-time jobs and worked as much as I could.

At this time, Jackie and I had never taken one penny in charity or help from the government.  The union pay at Patco started at $9 per hour, an enormous amount, so I thought at the time, back in 1988.  One of the non-union company managers often saw me working alone and very hard.  All those years on a farm as a kid paid off.  I could outwork anyone.  The manager called a union meeting of the other employees and offered me a union job.  Being paid $9 per hour full-time, with benefits, I was able to quit my motel auditor job.

I remember singing to myself as I swept out the maintenance rooms alone at Patco:

Trailers for sale or rent, rooms to let, fifty cents.

No phone, no pool, no pets, I ain’t got no cigarettes

Ah, but, two hours of pushin’ broom

Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room

I’m a man of means by no means, king of the road.

(Sung by Roger Miller, King of the Road.)

I loved not being tied down to worldly expectation and success.  I could work wherever I wanted at whatever job I wanted.  Jackie and I lived as poor as anyone could possibly live.  But we always had enough food to eat and a place to live.  Working for a union and all the politics involved was not for this King of the Road.  I quit Patco after just a few months.

We had pulled a small trailer made out of the bed of an old Ford truck from Utah to Missouri with a brand new Mazda truck.  I couldn’t afford the monthly payments so I sold it once we settled in Grandview.  I bought an old, six-cylinder car, can’t really remember what kind it was, but it was old enough that I could work on its engine if I needed to.  There were no computerized engines back then.  I bolted a hitch on the back of the car, hooked on our little trailer full of everything that we owned, loaded up my little family, Jackie, Brittany, Joshua, and not quite one-year-old Brandon, and moved on … King of the Road.

I had no idea where we were going next.  Didn’t matter.  God knew.  And I knew the real God, so I went wherever the hell I wanted.

I had never been to North Dakota, so I got out a map, put my finger down on a spot, and off we went.  We settled in a small town near Minot, North Dakota.  There were all kinds of abandoned houses from old farming families losing their farms to Corporate America.  We found one and asked the owners how much they wanted for rent.  The older couple didn’t want to charge us any rent, but I couldn’t do that, so we agreed on $100 per month, plus we would pay the utilities.

It was an old house.  It was a cold house.  The water came from an old well that hadn’t been turned on for quite some time.  Jackie turned on the faucet and a rusty liquid came out for a long time before it got clear.  We unloaded our few belongings and huddled together at night because the house wouldn’t heat very well.  During the day, Jackie would keep the kids bundled up.

I had made a pact with Brittany and Joshua about eating candy.  On January 1, 1989, we made a New Year’s resolution promise that we wouldn’t eat any candy for one entire year.  Whenever we would go into a store, Brittany would remember the promise.  Joshua, not so much.  But neither of them asked for candy.  The kind couple from whom we rented the house felt sorry for us.  On Easter that year, the couple showed up at the house with three Easter baskets for Brittany, Joshua, and little Brandon.  The kids’ eyes were huge.  The kindness was more important than the promise we had made.  I let them have their baskets full of candy.  But after that, we went the rest of the year eating no other candy.

Brittany was precocious beyond her years … way beyond.  She was being homeschooled by Jackie and started to read at 5 years old.  Brittany had a wit and strong personality.  She would argue with anyone … but me.  She was definitely a Daddy’s girl.  On one occasion, Jackie had made some pancakes for breakfast.  There was only one left and both Brittany and Joshua wanted it.  I brought in the idea of Jesus to the circumstance.  The kids had become somewhat familiar with Jesus by attending church for a short time.

“What would Jesus do?” I asked the kids.

“Would Jesus take the pancake for himself or give it to another?”

“Joshua, you be Jesus.” Brittany quickly said, without blinking an eye.

Brittany was very intelligent.  Her reading skills were above anyone I had ever seen of her age.  Joshua was the kindest, funniest, most laid back little boy I had ever known.  Joshua always listened and did whatever I or Jackie asked of him.  Brittany would too … especially when I was around.  I never knew how Brittany got along with Jackie when I was not home.  In the near future, I would find out that they had many of the typical stepmother-stepdaughter issues.

I worked again for $4 per hour for a popular wheat farmer in Minot.  He owned 2000 acres of wheat.  I would spend 10 to 12 hours every day on the tractor either plowing, harrowing, or seeding his expansive wheat fields.  All alone on that tractor, I only listened to one thing: tapes of the New Testament and of the Book of Mormon.

I knew the power of the story of Jesus and how it had transformed the world, not only for good, but usually for bad.  I figured that I could not fully understand the concept of the real Jesus and how the concept was being used and how I should use it with my new enlightenment, unless I knew everything about the books that talked about Jesus.  With my new mindset and enlightenment, I devoured, studied, and basically memorized the New Testament and the Book of Mormon.  No one on this Earth, except for four others, knows these two books as well as I do.

Alone in a tractor all day, I listened with new ears and began to understand the significance and power of the Jesus concept  (i.e., the Spirit of Christ).  I knew that neither God nor Jesus actually existed.  But these entities had been real in my own mortal life for the first 25 years, and I knew that they were real to my family, my friends, and to Jackie.  My enlightenment taught me that whatever a person believed, was right for that person. 

I was not a messenger at the time.  I had no idea, at the time, that my mentors even existed. 

I knew that the Book of Mormon was created and produced by Joseph Smith in an attempt to counter the Bible and change the mindset of American Christians.  And I knew, from memories that kept popping into my head, that I had lived as Joseph’s closest friend and confidant, his older brother Hyrum.  These personal memories convinced me that Joseph Smith was an incredible man whose only desire was to equalize the race problem in America.  All of these things convinced me that the Book of Mormon was an incredible book.  It’s teachings and principles, its symbolism and the clues it contains about Real Truth, were profound.

When I read about John the Beloved in the New Testament, and about the Three Nephites in the Book of Mormon, being immortal, I figured it was simply an expression of the story to teach something unique that countered the orthodox Christian views that the world had embraced.  Because I knew that Jesus wasn’t real, there was no way that John the Beloved and the Three Nephites could be real either.  And I was right.  There were no such actual, historical persons as John and the Three Nephites of Book of Mormon lore.  But what I didn’t know then, that I would find out a couple of years later, was that there were actually four mortals who have been alive upon this earth, two since its beginning, and two for hundreds of thousands of years.  Yeah.  Really! 

When I first met these four in the spring of 1991, I wasn’t even convinced then that they were who they claimed to be.  I wouldn’t know for sure until many years later.  (These details are coming up in the next chapter.) 

But what I knew for sure was that whatever a mortal was perceiving and living as their reality was a product of their True Self’s brain activity; and that no one had any right to challenge or discount how another person was living out their mortal life upon Earth.  

On that tractor, studying the concept of Jesus, I had no idea that the world was as evil and as corrupt as it actually is.  I had no idea that there was no hope for the human race.  I had no idea that this was the Sixth Dispensation of Human Time, and that there had been five previous dispensations when humans thrived all over the earth and destroyed themselves, leaving a few remnants in enclaves that carried on human existence upon Earth.

The fact is, while driving that tractor all day long and memorizing Christian scripture … I didn’t know much about the Real Truth.

Those who recruited me as their True Messenger had the knowledge from personal experience of how a mortal brain operates, and how a mortal brain that is given the knowledge that I had been given during my transfiguration handles the information.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, they had followed me throughout my travels waiting for the right opportunity, when I would be ready, for their introduction.  I needed a lot of personal experiences before I would have firsthand knowledge of things that I would need to know in order to be able to properly accept the role as their True Messenger.

Although two of my mentors were born with the knowledge of Real Truth, as they have lived since the beginning of time, the other two were not born with the knowledge.  The other two are from very, very, very ancient Peruvian ancestry, long before the modern Peruvian ancestors flourished in South America.

During the last, the Fifth Dispensation of Human Time, these two had been part of an entire civilization of both white and black-skinned people that had developed and spread throughout the earth, hundreds of thousands of years ago.  These two were among a few darker-skinned people who had escaped the ancient cities and technologies that had developed during that time period, living off the grid and away from the so-called civilized people who would eventually destroy themselves.

These two brothers were born during the transition period between the Fifth and this final Sixth Dispensation of Human Time.  What happened to my brain had happened to theirs at about the same age: 25.  The group of people into which they were born had carried the DNA and genes that had been developed and bioengineered while mortal science and technology flourished during the Fifth Dispensation.  However, there were others who had escaped society back then who refused to be immunized against old age and disease, or they were among the poor who couldn’t afford the technology.  These off-grid enclaves of a few had children and would become the ancient ancestors of the native American peoples found in South America.

Joseph Smith and I called these two, Mathoni and Mathonihah, using Book of Mormon names for them.  If you don’t age, you’re not going to be too popular among people who age.  The aging people are going to want to know what witchcraft from the devil you are using to be immortal.  (Ever wonder where the stories about immortal vampires that roam the night and hide during the day came from?  Well, now you have the answer.)

These two brothers had to move around a lot with their isolated families in order to avoid detection and destruction.  They hid.  Machu Picchu, Peru, was once one of their more modern secret enclaves.  The people who developed the cities back then were afraid of the mountains.  They thought God lived there.  High in the mountains was the perfect hiding place for the brothers and the few who had survived for thousands of years without being detected by the other developing South American civilizations.  But, as is the case, they were eventually discovered and destroyed.  All except two.  These two were recruited and helped in their escape by the other two of my mentors we call, Timothy and John.

Now, Grandkids, the world is going to call Grandpa crazy for presenting this information and claiming it is true.  Yeah, the same fucked up hypocritical Christians who actually believe in their scriptures that tell about the immortal John, the Beloved, and the immortal Three Nephites!  These fucks believe that these four existed, God’s word says that they did.  But, for heaven sake, NO!  It can’t be true that they recruited your swearing, blasphemous grandfather to be their True Messenger and do their work!  CAN’T BE TRUE!

But it’s fucking true!

Because it’s true, everything that the religious and scientific minded people believe is true, is fucking false!

And, Grandkids, there’s an easy, empirical, way for you to know if it is true or not.

If someone has been around as long as these guys have been around, they would know things.  They would know how human societies develop and what caused their destruction.  They would know what economic and social structures developed that worked and what ones didn’t.  They would know how to solve worldwide poverty … Don’t ya think?

Go ahead,

Ask anyone you want … anyone.

Ask the Pope, the Mormon Prophet, the Dali Lama, any other religious leader on Earth, of any religion.  Ask them how poverty should be solved.  Ask anyone who has studied economics, politics, business, or whatever bullshit they teach in colleges these days.  Ask these how poverty should be … how poverty can be solved.

Ask these supposed worldly successful and admired ones what they would do to change politics and set up a government that would work, that would eliminate poverty throughout the world without taking from the rich, without impeding anyone’s free will.

They fucking don’t know!

So how the fuck does your profanity-mouthed grandpa know?  And unless you’ve studied The Humanity Party®, don’t you even try to say that grandpa doesn’t know.  I fucking know!  I was taught by four of the most intelligent and knowledgable mortals that have ever lived on this FUBAR planet.

They also taught me what the book of Revelation’s (in the Bible) symbolism means.  They taught me what Joseph Smith’s temple endowment means.  They taught me so much fucking shit … all good smelling … that could change and save this world!

By the time you’re reading this autobiography, you’ll find all kinds of mean shit written about Grandpa on the Internet.  People call me a murderer, a pedophile, a sexual predator, a terrorist, a fraud, a conman, a manipulator …  For fuck sakes, a backwoods, Idaho, Christian judge found me guilty in a civil suit of fraud and racketeering! (Of course, the fuck who countersued me for these things, after I sued him for defamation, can’t prove any of his allegations … but with the right Judge, you can prove anything.  If it’s proven in court, or rather, if a fucked up prejudice Judge thinks it’s true, then it must be true.  Right?  Not!)

But what you will NOT read is any counter proposal to solve poverty or any logical proof that the plan that The Humanity Party® presents is not sound and the only way to do it!  You will NOT read anything that even comes close to the explanation that I have given of the feared and esoteric book of Revelation!  You will NOT read anything that logically and prudently confounds anything that Grandpa has shared with the world … NOT A FUCKING THING!

And you will NEVER read anything that comes close to explaining who we are and why we exist like the things that your Ol’ profane Grandpa explains … not from my words …  God, I wish I was that smart … but from the words and teachings of four … yep, immortals.

These four will make themselves known in their own time, at a time when the world won’t try to kill them for what they know.  But for now, the only tool they have to teach the world what they know is your grandfather.

While I was driving that tractor all day near Minot, North Dakota, I was far from ready to be their True Messenger.

But what I did know then was that I had no right to ever condemn or judge another for what a person’s mortal dream experience produced in their advanced mind.  Until I became a True Messenger, I didn’t try to change anyone’s mind.  I worked with what people believed, supported their idea of Santa Claus, and played in their game while I played my own. 

Jackie never complained about anything … ever.  Jackie did what God wanted her to do.  Yep, the God in which she still believed.  Jackie’s God was okay with me because her god was the LDS/Mormon God that gave men the right to God’s revelation and women the commandment to listen to men as they received God’s revelations.  I can’t speak for why Jackie followed me all of those years, but I knew her God well.  Since Jackie was comfortable with following her God, I assumed she was comfortable following me.

Because I chose the life of a migrant worker, the migratory lifestyle kept Paula from seeing Brittany and Joshua.  After I tried to get back with Paula before Jackie and I were married, even giving her custody of Brittany, whom she quickly gave back to me, she didn’t try to see the kids until after we were married.

Paula’s father was a Mormon Bishop.  Paula was still a Mormon, I thought.  I wrote her some bullshit letters about why I wasn’t going to let her be involved in the kids’ lives.  The letters were based on Mormon belief, in which I still thought she believed.  Paula and I were married and sealed forever in the Mormon Temple.  She was mine forever.  If she wanted to be with our children forever, she would have to be my wife in heaven along with Jackie.  But what I didn’t know at the time that I was trying to use Paula’s Mormon beliefs against her in order to justify my new lifestyle, was that she was quickly figuring out that the LDS/Mormon religion was bullshit.  I sincerely didn’t know it at the time I tried to point out why it was more important for me to raise our kids with Jackie than with her and her worldly ways, which according to the Book of Mormon, were not the Mormon God’s ways.

I’m sure all my moving around hurt Paula a lot.  But she had made the choice not to be their mother.  She had given up full custody and control to me.  But what neither she nor I had anticipated, was my brain’s transfiguration.  She thought I had gone bonkers.

According to the fucked up world, I had.

After the wheat fields were planted in the Spring of 1989, I quit, loaded up the family and I decided to move to the Pacific Northwest near Seattle.  I mentioned the LDS/Mormon fanatic friend whom I embraced after I had met one of my incognito mentors at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, California, Jeff Thomas.  It didn’t work out too well reuniting with Kyle Williams, so I thought Jeff would be more receptive to the idea that the LDS/Mormon religion was bullshit.  Jeff and his wife, Brenda, lived in Seattle, Washington.

So, off we went in an old car pulling an old trailer with all of our belongings.

On our way, we stopped in Utah.  My family had become convinced that I had pretty much lost my mind since leaving the Church.  We dressed like the Amish, for God’s sake!  What were these Mormons dressed in fine clothing and pursuing college degrees to make a lot of money in the world supposed to think?

Regardless of how we were living, both Jackie’s and my family knew we were great parents who always took care of our kids and kept them safe.  At the time, the summer of 1989, they did nothing to intervene in my new lifestyle.  But I could tell they were very leery and uneasy with the idea.  After we left Utah and settled in Seattle, I went to the government and changed my name so that my family wouldn’t bother me and I could live more unmolested than in my former life as a Nemelka.  I took Jackie’s name as my last and added “Abraham” as a middle name in a symbolic notion that God had changed my life … Yep, the true God had.

I found Jeff and Brenda, and to my surprise, beer in hand, Jeff had already figured out that the LDS/Mormon Church was corrupt as hell.  He was a Security Officer while I was.  He was the one who told me about becoming a Security Officer.  But Jeff took things completely differently than I did, he not having the same type of brain as I had.  I went completely unworldly while Jeff went completely worldly.  That was the end of our friendship.  Jeff would later try to intervene in my life and save women from me.  Yeah.  Really!  (I told you … you can’t trust any ‘friend’ … not a one!)

We eventually made our way to Monroe, Washington, in Snohomish County.  I found an old Ford pickup with a camper on it for sale.  I sold the old car and the trailer and bought the Ford and the camper in which we could live.  We traveled up into the beautiful forest east of Monroe, to a city called Gold Bar.  I noticed a huge lumber mill and stopped to see if it had any openings.  It did.  I was hired for $10 per hour working on the green line.  (That’s where the newly cut lumber is separated into size and grade.)

When I got back into our truck after getting the job, Brittany had pulled her sweater over her face and Jackie was silent and sternly looking straight ahead.  You could feel the tension.

“What’s wrong, Sweetheart?” I gently asked Brittany.

“Jackie said she hates me,” she responded.

This took me by surprise.  This was the first time that I became aware that there were problems between Jackie and Brittany.  I became annoyed and frustrated.  I had just had a life with a stepmother that treated me like shit, and I wasn’t about to let my little girl go through the same experience.

“You said what?” I raised my voice at Jackie.  She said nothing.

“Don’t you ever tell my daughter that you hate her!  You can take Brandon and go back to your family!  I will make you leave if you ever say that to Brittany again!”

Jackie never responded.  And she never left.

Although she would have ample opportunity to leave me, Jackie never did.  Her family, and my family would have gladly taken her away from me and supported her leaving me to my own unworldly lifestyle … gladly!

Why Jackie never left me during all those years, and many more to come, is something that one would have to ask Jackie.  The details of my life will reveal that in spite of my playing the game of polygamy for a short time, and doing all that I did, Jackie never left me.  It wasn’t until I told Jackie that we were done in December of 2000, that she finally moved on for good.

The very last thing I said to Jackie before leaving her was,

“Will you support me in doing this sealed portion thing?”

“Fuck no!” was her response.

And that was that.

I asked Jackie once, years later in 2006, when I was trying to see our kids, why she stayed with me all of those years.  Her response:

“Because I was in love with you.”

How the fuck, Grandma Jackie, could you have loved a murderer, a pedophile, a sexual predator, a terrorist, a fraud, a conman, a manipulator???

But anyways …

I got a job at a milk processing plant for the De Jong Dairy in Monroe, Washington.  With my new name, I became a certified milk processor and held a pasteurizing license in the State of Washington.  While living in the truck’s camper, we would wash ourselves and use the processing plant’s bathroom and hoses.  I became the Assistant Manager of the plant and had won the full trust of the owner and the manager.  I was making pretty good money.

Eventually, we found a small cabin between the small towns of Index and Baring, east of Monroe.  The area was beautiful … spectacular!  Jackie and the kids loved that cabin.  It was while we were at this cabin that Kyle Williams showed up out of the blue.

One of the customers that was associated with De Jong milk was Dan Bartelhiemer, a popular farmer in Snohomish, Washington.  Dan had a farm store that he owned on his property: Walt’s Milk House.  He would buy De Jong milk when he couldn’t find enough for his products.  Walt’s Milk House was locally renown for its milk products.  Dan had a small processing plant on his farm.

Dan had a huge farm (1500 acres plus).  He was then growing seeds for spinach and beets, and grew potatoes, raising a few cows, among other things.  I was bored after just a few months of managing the milk processing plant and asked Dan if I could move my family onto his farm and work for him.  I was paid a lot less than I was making at the De Jong Dairy plant, but I didn’t care about money.  I cared more about personal liberty and living as I wanted to live … completely unfettered (released from restraint or inhibition) and unworldly.

Dan basically turned over Walt’s Milk House to me and Jackie to run and profit from.  He asked only for 1% of the profits.  Yeah.  Really!  Dan was a Christian, but unlike most hypocritical ones, also an incredible human being.

By this time, I had sold the Ford truck’s camper and purchased a 17′ travel trailer.  Jackie was very pregnant with our second child.  We parked the trailer in one of Dan’s barns.

One morning, Brittany sweetly said, “Dad.  There’s a bunch of cows outside the window.”

Dan’s cows had gotten out and were all in the barn.  It was quite a sight to behold.  There we were, living in a small trailer inside a barn surrounded by cows.  On January 7, 1990, Caleb Marc Nemelka was born inside that barn.  If anyone ever mocked Caleb for leaving a door or window open, saying, “Geez, Caleb!  Were you born in a barn?”  Yep.  He was.

Jackie’s second delivery went pretty smooth, inside that small travel trailer in the barn, with Brittany, Joshua, and Brandon just a few feet away.  They were still asleep when Jackie went into labor and never awoke during the delivery.  Caleb never cried.  I don’t think the kid cried once while he was an infant.  Unlike Brandon, who cried more than any of my kids, Caleb was quiet, too quiet.  I once commented to Jackie that he might be deaf.  But since Caleb always responded to sounds, we never thought much about him actually being deaf.  I don’t remember any time while he was an infant ever hearing Caleb crying.

After I delivered Caleb and laid him in Jackie’s arms, I went to work delivering corn silage to Dan’s customers.  After making the deliveries and taking the receipts to Dan, he asked, “How’s the family?”

“Jackie had a little boy this morning.  We named him, Caleb,” I said without any emotion.

“What?  You delivered a baby this morning and you didn’t tell us?!  You went to work?”

I don’t think there is anyone whom I have ever worked for that was more impressed by my unorthodox lifestyle than Dan Bartelheimer and his family.  It was Dan and his wife who convinced the Snohomish County Sheriff in March of 1990, of my integrity and care for my family.  Dan’s testimony of the facts about me kept my father from getting me arrested, barely 2 months after Caleb was born.

Go ahead, Grandkids, ask Dan Bartelheimer, a very respected and popular man in his community … in fact, at the time of this writing, he is the President of the Snohomish County Farm Bureau … ask Mr. Bartelheimer if your grandpa did anything unbecoming or insane.  Ask him if your grandpa was a murderer, a pedophile, a sexual predator, a terrorist, a fraud, a conman, a manipulator.  My critics and enemies won’t ask him.  My critics and enemies don’t want any information that would prove to the world that the facts of my life are what I am presenting in this autobiography and that I am who I claim to be.

My intent was to give my children the best opportunity to be happy while they lived in this mortal world.  There isn’t a wealthy person in this world who is really happy.  There are more poor people who live less stressed than rich people do.  I was hell-bent on making sure my children were raised in poverty.  The lower the expectations, the greater the chance for happiness.  Jackie’s family, my family, and Paula’s family couldn’t have disagreed more.

I knew how to play the game of mortal life … better than anyone else … except for four others whom I would come to know while living in Kent, Washington.

Now let’s get to the specific details of how I met these four immortals …

 

6 Comments

  1. Shelumna

    my last comment was too overdone. Sorry for the quick, emotional ramblings. I have read and reread your post to me. I have to agree, I do understand what you are saying. I just analyze too much.
    I’ve decided I want to post less. I do know what you are meaning. My ramblings have helped me to rediscover what my EGO confused me on.
    I can the see the beauty of the FOREST, while I am standing amongst these individual TREES of doctrines and philosophy.

    Thanks for all you do
    Shelumna

  2. is this working

  3. Keith Stinson

    I love reading other people’s comments. Just hearing others going through this experience (moving away from the mormon church beliefs and realizing that what Christopher writes is the truth) – it’s nice to know others are moving forward, no matter how hard it is.

  4. I realize that what I offer to my friends at the MWAW, doesn’t matter, or change anything, but you’re all I have to bounce my feelings off. So, I just write and know there will be no response, but I feel and trust that you do read my comments.

    I awoke this morning thinking about all of this stuff. I look at how my life has unfolded and the spiritual things I’ve pursued, (in the direction of the (MWAW) I didn’t really know I had been going this way in my search)

    Sunday, I sit listening to my young married family at our monthly family dinner. Listening to their positive experiences in our Mormon Church. their respect and honor for priesthood General Authorities, etc. In reality, this is how I would prefer them to be, rather than as 2 of my children, who have a tendancy to berate and condemn the church and its people. (this creates tension) I realize how much happiness my involvement in the church has been for me through my school years, mission years, young married years with rearing my 5 children. Service projects, socials, comrodary with each other, and overall support we give to each other. all this, floods into my memory as a positive experience.
    I have chosen to not attend the temple marriage of my last two daughters, because of my strong feelings against how the church has changed the ordinances and sees no wrong in what they do. These men are more knowing than I am, but they pursue a direction of manipulating and controling that which Joseph never taught.

    Aside from this, comes a meloncoly feeling of what I have discovered in my spiritual pursuits. I feel so pulled in two directions, and trying not to make waves. If I try to share what I know with my family, I will drive my sweet daughters away from me, so I let my example be my teachig tool. I love them all, but my alligence is with God, the God whom I have discovered, which is not the Mormon God. Wow, this gets so weird!

    Iin my early morning hours of a subconscious state, I was thinking how I was trying to invoke some interest in my distant family members,(avoiding the teaching of my won children) into looking into the MWAW, while at the same time these my brother-in-law is trying to re-awaken me from my spiritual resistance to the church. it’s sort of a bizzare feeling. For many years I have been on this path wanting to make sense of what the deeper meaning is in the Mormon Church teachings. (seeking to make my calling and election sure) I always thought that if I learned greater insight into what Joseph or any prophet didn’t tell us, then others would be quite interested also. But I have found, that others don’t have the same hunger for truth as I do. They are prone to just fit in and enjoy the ride! It has been a rude awakening, to realize that others, even bishops and stake pres, and such, are totally sucked into trusting and eating out of the hand of the Mormon leaders. I know it brings them great happiness ad security in their life.

    I rather stay in my present position, searching these MWAW truths, than go back to where I’ve been with the Mormon teachings. I can’t return. My soul has been expanded to a new dimension and I could never return to what I have come from!

    In truth, it is The 4 Brothers that have created this mess? dilema? They wrote the BofM. They used Joseph to set up the Mormon followers into a sting operation for our time. They have set up the Bible belieiers by using Caneaus to fabricate a story of Jesus. Then they used Joseph to set up the beleif of a plan of salvation with a LUcifer being cast out of heaven, and our ancestry going into a spirit world and needing saving from within the temples, and then a resurrection to 9 different kiingdoms of glory. The whole story-line is mostly a lie.
    The whole world of Christianity has been created by these 4 Brothers. They created religion and now condemn religion, and they want Christ to help them destroy religion for a new belief system. a beleif that our Higher Selves are God. When we die, we just disappear with the dream from the self and become only a memory in the mind of the self. (God) This is so bizzaar! For some weird thing, I actually believe it all. I actually believe this as much as I beleived the religious program that I am coming out of.

    Currently, only a fraction of people know of and have read the MWAW. Many who have, I doubt that they believe this came from God. In addition, once they digest the TSP and other books, and start into Chris’ rantings about destroying the religious aspect which all the books have strung us along with, yes, then the big lie occurs! The Brothers made it all up, and there is hardly any archaeological evidence to prove any of it to be a true reality. The Brothers know this, and yet they condemn those who follow religions.

    Now I am working through this, and trying to mesh it all together in a manner I can make sense of it. I want to share it, but as I reconsider, I realize, it is almost impossible, if not just dam hard to help a persons mind shift from the religious presentation which they have grown with and then transition them out of religion into nothing but their Higher Self being the ALL and the EVERYTHING!
    But I’m feeling it. I’m working through it. I just feel I now need to see the big picture. I need to know what of the religious principles are tre and which are just your story-line vehicle that has carried everyone in religion for so many generations. What is the honest to God Real Truth? What do we drop and what do we keep? YOu see, there needs to be some continuity with what we believe, in order to from a cohesive group of trust. You 4 Brothers and Chris for a cohesive group of trust. If Chris was without you, what would he be? how long would he last being confident that he knows Real Truth that no one else supports or believes in? He would die an insane man!

    Well, there you have it. my feelings and perspective.

    1. Mr. “Shelumna”

      Your portends and pretends given in paragraph 7 and 8 of your comments above couldn’t be further from the Real Truth.

      Our efforts were never to, are never to, and will never support or create a new religion. What we do is whatever is possible to counter religion, largely by introducing clues of Real Truth to a religion, where our influence is allowed.

      All religions, of all kinds, of every kind, are the result of the ego of humankind searching for answers that mortals are not allowed, by themselves, to answer.

      This search takes place in this “lone and dreary world.”

      All religions, of all kinds, of every kind were, are, and will be developed and established by the ego. (Joseph Smith symbolically represented the ego of fallen mortal humankind as “Lucifer.”)

      Lucifer is responsible for answering the sincere prayers of mortals as they search for the meaning of life and happiness. “Lucifer” is responsible for the establishment of all religions and all religious scripture (i.e., the philosophies of men mingled with scripture).

      Mortal egos can cause a sincere person’s heart to become one of ‘Lucifer’s Ministers,’ people who sincerely ‘minister’ to their own ego and to the egos of others.

      Your religion (the LDS/Mormon Church) would have understood these things about the ego had it kept Joseph Smith’s original endowment presentation in its original form.

      You, as an ‘Adam’, do not have the power to know the Real Truth. When you pray, your prayers will always be answered by your own ego, or by another’s ego whom you have chosen as one of your Ministers, that, again, ministers things of their own ego to satisfy the cravings of your own.

      As you should know, according to the endowment symbolism, while living in the mortal world (as Adam,) there is no God, not Elohim or Jehovah, that hears and answers your personal prayers. Any personal prayer that you give by the words of your mouth will ALWAYS be answered by your ego ( by Lucifer).

      Joseph’s use of symbolic titles for “Elohim” and “Jehovah” were meant to represent the true nature of our souls, or as you might perceive it according to the religion that Lucifer has developed for you, “Heavenly Father” and “Christ,” respectively.

      You should well know that Joseph’s original endowment was clear, that neither Heavenly Father nor Christ hears or answer mortal prayers while ‘Adam’ (you) is in the “lone and dreary world.” Only “Lucifer” does, “the god of this world.”

      As a mortal “Adam,” your God-Self is asleep (according to the profound and beautiful presentation we developed for Joseph’s endowment) and dreaming the mortal experience. An “Adam” is not capable of finding and understanding Real Truth without a True Messenger.

      You asked,

      “What do we drop and what do we keep?”

      The answer is hidden in the clues we have provided in the Book of Mormon:

      “And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and become as a little child, and be baptized in my name, or ye can in nowise receive these things.”

      You must drop everything that you have learned since you were a little child with a broken heart and a contrite (repentant) spirit. You must immerse yourself (be baptized) in the words that we shall give you through our True Messenger.

      Nothing that you have learned since you were a little child, nothing you have learned throughout your sojourn as a mortal ‘Adam’, is of any worth or consequence to you as the “sleeping God, Michael.” As our True Messenger often says, “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”

      You will never fully and completely come to an understanding of Real Truth unless you become, once again, as you were as a little child, long before the first day that you attended primary church schooling.

      Please refrain from making statements of what you perceive is the Real Truth about our work or we will be forced to ban your comments, as they are misleading to others.

      Think upon the last words that the character, Adam, tells you in the original endowment presentation:

      ADAM: Now I know that you are true messengers sent down from Father. (Speaking directly to the audience.) These are true messengers. I exhort you to give strict heed to their counsel and teachings, and they will lead you in the way of life and salvation.

      You will never find “life and salvation,” (i.e., the kingdom of God), unless you forget everything that you have learned from one of Lucifer’s religions and open your heart and mind to a True Messenger.

      “And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and be baptized in my name, and become as a little child, or ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God.

      Best of wishes to you in your journey.

      Yet again, please refrain from making false statements.

      1. Shelumna

        3-29-2019 Reply to The Brothers & Chris

        Thanks for your response. this is the first response i have ever experienced on WordPress or this web site. (I have never used WordPress) I have kept waiting for Chris’ next article, #25, but I was not aware that you had replied on this #24 Journal entry to me, for the first time. I was not aware my comments were going out to anyone but you. I have never known where to read anyone who is making a reply.. Anyway, your response is greatly appreciated.

        Pardon me for seeming so hard headed in understanding, but I need to carry this discussion a bit further, for my Mormon trained EGO mind. I have been writing about the EGO and never sending it to anyone. Perhaps it is my writing that causes me to get my feelings out in the open so I understand it better.

        please help me to understand. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or distrustful. But the Baby Boom generation has grown up in a nation of people lying directly to each other, to the cameras of millions, and later, they have been proven guilty of their lie. (Nixon, Clinton, and many govt. agencies and terrorist attacks etc.) So as I try to explain any of this MWAW to a trusted friend, I begin to learn from my own self-inspection, and question the logic of what I am saying myself.

        whenever I have tried to explain to my wife or a friend about how the MWAW feels toward religion, I start to see how contradictory it seems. On one hand, you have helped to set up religion and now you are wanting to destory religion! Am I making any sense? So, why even help set up religion in the first place, when you know what it does to people? Now we all have to un-learn and un-trust, what our parents put us into, because of Joseph Smith and the BofM.

        Here’s my perception:
        my analyzing mind is trying to make sense with why the Brothers have seemingly supported the creation of the Mormon church through Joseph, while at the same time, they condemn it! (this acts like what we have always taught Lucifer to be)
        I am trying to understand this. I guess I may have done similar to my children with Santa Claus, but not for long. But with you Brothers, you have hoisted this storyline upon mankind for thousands of years, and are now trying to undo what you have allowed. (again, this is my perception and I will further explain)
        I have read most of your stuff and I am in agreement with you opposing religion, but why did you mentor Joseph to never tell his followers, that religion was not what God wanted? Why encourage and support them? Is it because Joseph was playing the part of Satan??? (as Chris has just written to me) If so, then a True Messenger is not what I have perceived a TM to be.
        My perception of a TM is to trust their word to deliver all happiness, and goodness that God would want each of us to have. This means to not lie, not cheat, not murder, not control and manipulate ones free will for their personal gain. etc. Is this your perception of what a TM is? I am in belief that it is, having read so much of your material.
        Help me to understand what you are saying:

        1. If religion is created by the EGO (satans kingdom, which I truly understand) and you say that only a True Messenger can tell us the Real Truths, then relying on a TM causes us to lose trust in our own inner guidance. I believe our inner guidance is our True Self guiding us. But, a human voice outside us, would probably be a TM like Chris or The Brothers. Is this close to what you are saying?

        2. I am trying to understand why The Brothers have used a fictitious person named Jesus, (which the Greek Caneaus made-up) to implement into their BofM story for when Jesus came to the Nephites and set up their church . . .as they desired. (I realize it was a hybrid type of religion from the Moses religion which they had used) but in the BofM, there is no detailed presentation that Jesus ever tried to talk the people out of having a religion. (other than “he groaned within himself when they asked him not to leave them”)
        In other words, did you put BofM people into religion (which you oppose) and again Joseph’s followers, just to show their progenitors how the EGO is what Satan is, and how Satan works?? Because Joseph never outwardly objected to religion. Joseph just went along with whatever his followers wanted (by the use of their EGO) (by the way, this concept is almost impossible for a Mormon to comprehend!)

        3. I am beginning to perceive that a True Messenger is misunderstood by many. a TM comes to us knowing the Real Truth which we Avatars do not know. A TM is representing all of our Higher True Selves. It appears that a TM is here to show us how our mortal EGO is the illusionary Satan, in our individual Avatar minds.
        In the past, a TM has NOT been allowed to tell us Real Truth, is this correct?
        Presently, a TM is NOW ALLOWED to tell us Real Truth. Correct?
        Therefore, we should be able to trust a TM for telling us Real Truth today more than in yesterday. Correct?

        4. I have been perceiving a TM to be teaching Real Truth BRIEFLY and without great effort. then when his followers complain about not understanding Real Truth (such as the dream or NO religion) then the TM is to go ahead and teach them nonsense, just as his followers believe in nonsense, as their EGO’s are believing. Is this also closely correct??

        The Brothers are telling us how evil and satanic religion is, and why they are trying to help people pull out of it today. This philosophy is in direct opposition to the religion the BofM church and also Joseph’s church. Neither of these “True Messengers” (Jesus or Joseph) ever appear to have outright corrected their followers in the Satanic direction they were choosing. Why not?

        3. So if this “Jesus” cowered to the Nephites and gave them the religion they desired, and Joseph did the same in his lifetime, (even though both men detested what they were having to do for the people) What does it take for an individual or a group to do, to be able to trust in their “True Messenger?” At what point can a person trust in their True Messenger to correct them and give them the genuine real truth, instead of just giving people what they believe iin?
        Is this part of the “game or play,” which our Higher Self wants to have to make the dream play interesting for all of us??
        People do not know what or who Satan is. Is this the way to show them that each person is Satan??

        If I am on the right track with my perception, then I am beginning to understand why a TM (as Joseph) supported and encouraged his followers in setting up their false teachings and their self-created religion.

        I find it so well when trying to share the truthful concepts of truth found in the MWAW. try as i have, there is no way I can open the mind of any of my brother-in-laws. The Mormon church has them fearfully tied into never thinking or speaking against what the Mormon leaders do. I have also been there and done that and it is NOT for me!
        I have always felt that Joseph was acting like Satan in a way. As he was giving his followers what they desired, or rather what their EGO desired, and in the long run, he was showing them and their posterity, what happens when the EGO rules the day.
        (I am meaning; they do not fully live the Royal Law of Heaven, to treat others as they would like to be treated. for everyone’s benefit)
        Now we are in Joseph’s future. We see how the LDS church has become a “loose cannon” and an agent unto themselves. They are so powerful. within their organization, they control their followers with a sense of fear. no one dare speak against their doctrines, without reprisal or excommunication. Even their followers(my family) believe the church to be most holy and untouchable. Their leaders hold a tight grip upon the members by way of a strong, close-knit communication structure. They encourage free will, as long as it does not oppose the supposed priesthood “word of god” through their network.

        The most oppressive thing I perceive about religions is their oppressive nature with people’s God-Given free will. they do not understand each individual is a God. Their perception is for structure and ordained priesthood to control it. like kings over their serfs. Whereas, if we are each God’s, then no one is in charge, none has more authority than another. Everyone knows what the other knows, even if by mental telepathy!

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